Everything I Loved in October
Everything I Loved in October
My best clothing rentals yet, why maintain a weird diet abroad, and how to talk to people you don't agree with
🫐 Happy almost-November, Blueberries! 🫐
I had such a beautiful October, I can’t even think straight!
The highlight was coming straight from Madrid to the Billie Eilish concert at Madison Square Garden.
This was a gift and a healing session for my teenage self who deeply wanted to be a goth, but thought it was against the Bible.
And being in Madrid was one of the best weeks of my life.
I went with my mom—my favorite travel companion—who allows me to deepen into the experience of a new place with her optimism and open-heartedness.
One special moment (of many!) was going to see Guernica, one of my favorite paintings.
I apologize for this photo of me beaming in front of a depiction of human horror, but I was elated to bring my Picasso sketch tattoo to her own “mom,” this spectacular work that means so much to me.
I was almost just as thrilled to finally be out of the coat check room, where I spent half an hour trying to figure out how to pay for and lock the safety cubby for my leftovers…
Another highlight was just talking to people—I couldn’t get enough! It was the first trip I’ve taken where I let myself freely speak Spanish without terror that I’d make a mistake or not understand a word or that they’d get annoyed with me and speak English.
I just chatted away, and was rewarded with surprises and gossip and compliments on my accent which I have worked so hard on!!
One such thrilling interaction was with Eli, an Argentinian cafe owner who created these ceramics herself for the business…until I asked if I could buy them all!
Imagine my jaw on the counter when she said yes, and even threw in a free sugar bowl!
Such a good trip, such a good month.
On October 6th, I got to celebrate a year of marriage with Mr. Mari, who is my greatest accomplishment and the best thing that ever happened to me.
Last week I was casually chatting with a barista who told me that my husband had been in earlier that day, and spoke so highly and kindly about me.
“When I get married,” he said, “I want a partner who talks about me that way.”
I’m so proud of the journey that brought him to me, and my intuition, my daydreams, my neediness, my sensitivity, my prayers, my beliefs, and everything that might seem silly and delusional to other people.
They brought me to happiness.
One evening in Spain, a bartender seemed half-amused, half-weirded-out by my permanent cheerfulness.
“I have a question,” he declared/snarled:
“Are you always this smiley?” (frowning himself)
“Yeah!” I got to reply. “I’m always smiling!!”
He called me risueña, a word whose definition in Spanish adorably translates to “a person who laughs with happiness or has a joyful character.”
“I’ve been through a lot,” I amended.
“Huh? But you’re so happy!” he insisted.
“Exactly,” I said, straight-faced this time. “I’ve worked for this.”
(I don’t know how to wink, but that’s the vibe I was going for.)
In celebration of a happy month that I worked long and hard for, here is a big list of EVERYTHING I LOVED IN OCTOBER!
But first, two quick announcements….
*REGISTRATION IS OPEN for my retreat over the weekend of May 2-4, 2025 in North Carolina at my beloved Art of Living Retreat Center!
After hosting a few retreats there in the midst (and mist!) of the Blue Mountains, it’s become my happy place. I always have magical experiences there, and love nothing more in life than getting to spend time with people who are brave enough to join me and write (or draw!) their stories down!
*MY CREATIVITY TEA IS AVAILABLE through Art of Tea! I worked for months to craft a tea that was visually, ambrosially, mentally, and deliciously stimulating for creative work—and I just love it! I hope you do too :)
Okay!!! *cracks knuckles and stretches*
Let’s start with BUYING.
BUYING
Rentals of the Month
Obviously my rentals this month were all about Madrid!
This jacket protected me from the bitter autumnal 70-degree Spanish cold:
I loved wearing this darling sweater (bringing Brat into fall! ;) and this skirt with bows!!
One thing about me is: I love me a doo-dad. Give me all doo-dads all day long: bows, buttons, ruffles, froo-froo, zizzle zazzle, etc etc etc. I WANT ORNAMENTATION, DAMMIT!
This skirt did the job:
And this dress was so structured yet comfortable and breezy in a way that mimicked the spirit of Madrid :)
Travel Buys
This was also the first trip of my entire life where I didn’t look 90% dead upon arrival.
I credit: this mask, these eye patches, these pants (also rented!), this juice shot, this eye mask, these electrolytes, this muscle cream, and the only sleeping pill that has ever worked for chronic insomniac me! Sheesh!
A bug catcher
“I’m sorry for scaring you, I didn’t know it would cost me my life” is what I think about every time I’m tempted to squish a living thing skittering on my kitchen wall.
That thing has a life, and values its life as much as I value mine. (Unless it is a mosquito.)
But it’s not always easy to catch those little sneaks for outdoor release!
This tool is a godsend for my attempts to re-home the little friends whose billions of legs allow them to Usain Bolt away from my upside-down-cup method.
And, since it’s technically a toy for kids to examine bugs with, it has a lovely magnifying glass feature that is entertaining for examining the critter before you crank up the Rusted Root and send it on its way.
Coffee with a Cause
My favorite coffee company created a DELICIOUS breakfast roast to benefit pets in peril after Hurricane Helene.
It’s only around until October 31st so if you’re running low on coffee, consider re-stocking in support of a wonderful rescue organization!
(Woohoo!—I just got an email from Grounds and Hounds with a 20% discount code through October: MORETREATS)
Coolest Sweaters Ever!
In Madrid I stumbled on a CKS (Belgian brand) shop with the coolest sweaters ever!! I was totally losing my mind in there and had so much trouble narrowing down on one, but ended up with this one which I just love, and have worn every single day since.
WATCHING
Weepy Airplane Movies
I took advantage of my heightened altitude and heightened emotions to watch a few movies that I’ve been meaning to get around to…
The best by far was a documentary called Mama’s Boy
I cried every 10 minutes of this movie because there was literally something to cry about every 10 minutes.
It follows screenwriter Dustin Lance Black as he lovingly reflects on his fierce, wild, disabled mother who happened to be a very conservative Mormon.
When Dustin came out, his devastated mother pleaded, “Why would you choose this?” to which Dustin asked, “Why would you choose to be in crutches?”
The whole thing had me in a puddle, but I found the early part the most moving: When Dustin was closeted and self-loathing, and thus, in hindsight, a not-so-great person.
My favorite line of the film:
“You want to know the secret to treating other people like shit? Hate yourself.”
I’ve been going to progressive churches for such a long time now, I forgot what it was like to attend a high school Bible study where our leader insisted, “Being gay is like being angry; you might be born that way, but you can change it.”
(My mom said she would have taken me out of this group if she’d known what they were teaching!!)
I do remember what it was like to see Dustin Lance Black stand on stage at the Academy Awards and proclaim the truth:
To all of the gay and lesbian kids out there tonight who have been told that they are less than by their churches or by the government or by their families:
You are beautiful, wonderful creatures of value. And, that no matter what anyone tells you God does love you. And, that very soon, I promise you, you will have equal rights, federally, across this great nation of ours.
Thank you. And thank you, God, for giving us Harvey Milk.
I was particularly touched while watching this on the anniversary of Saint Matthew Shepard’s death.
Watch HERE!
And because I wasn’t quite done bawling my entire eyeballs off, I followed up that watch with another documentary I love: Life Animated, about a family who learns to communicate with their formerly non-verbal Autistic son in the way that made the most sense to him. Not a dry eye in my seat!
Babes
Despite my fondness for Ilana Glazer playing her character self, I avoided seeing Babes because I heard it had a lot of gross-out humor?? I’m suuuper delicate about such things (I couldn’t handle Bridesmaids), but I kept holding my breath for the rough scenes, and I was never even remotely grossed out! I just had a lovely time hanging out with two delightful actresses, exploring the always juicy topic of friends-with-kids. And yeah, okay, I cried a little!
Waitress Musical
I learned on my last 6-hour flight from Seattle that time goes by much faster if you’re watching a musical movie. I can’t give you the math on this; I just know that it works. (I re-watched the film adaptation of Les Miserables, a testament to how good the music is because the movie is terrible!?)
This flight, I was giddy to see that the recorded musical of Waitress was available on my flight; it’s one of my favorite musicals and I was wiggling with excitement to see my queen Sara Bareilles sing all the songs she wrote for it!!
I’m an adoring fan of the original film Waitress, written by the late great Adrienne Shelley whose own post mortem documentary has influenced my creative work so much.
And when I got to see the musical on Broadway a few years ago, I was even more densely captivated in the story of an ordinary person who insists on a brighter, more colorful future.
The story and the music would come to mean a lot to me during a time when I felt homesick in my own life. This song, in particular, speaks more to that feeling than anything I’ve read/heard/seen:
Funny TV
Since I always come to every TV show five hundred eons late, I started watching Girls5eva this month and I’ve been laughing my head off every night. It’s like the miracle love child of 30 Rock, Broad City, and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend that I forgot to manifest, but exists anyway.
And, my favorite heartfelt, giggly, unapologetically midwestern platonic love story and wickedly witty comedy Somebody Somewhere is back for Season 3 woohoo!!!!
A self-aware narcissist’s YouTube channel
I feel called to share a YouTube channel that I spent an entire day with this month: Mental Healness.
By the grace of God, Lee Hammock, a diagnosed narcissist, became self-aware enough to post a series of videos detailing the behavior, effects, and motivations of people with narcissistic personality disorder (and other Cluster B disorders).
I found his videos more clarifying and healing than any articles I’ve read, and ultimately they gave me the ability to move forward. I can’t thank him enough.
The past couple months in therapy have been psychologically exhausting and mentally draining to the point where I can barely cook myself dinner, so I’ve been grateful for every morsel of support I’ve gotten from loved ones, and random joyous self-aware narcissists on the internet.
Will & Harper
This documentary popped up its little head on my Netflix home page, and my first thought was: “Will Ferrell? Not a chance.” (see my stance on gross-out humor above)
But, as the algorithm so often does: It got me. Ferrell and his best friend who has recently come out as a trans woman go on a road trip throughout America and realize we’re all more alike than we are different??? SAY NO MORE!
In all seriousness, I treasured this movie and the grounded optimism that it reinforced in my spirit. I do believe peace is possible. I do believe people on opposite sides of the political spectrum can get along. I do believe people are more good than bad. I do believe that political differences are not the end-all-be-all.
And that’s because my heroes are Martin Luther King Jr and Anne Frank who, despite every reason not to, inspired those beliefs.
I believe that humans can and will save the world.
But they have to talk to each other (IN PERSON) first!!! I doubt anyone has ever changed their mind after reading an Instagram comment, but I know for a fact that people have changed their minds (mine included!) after a respectful conversation.
This movie was not only heartening, but so entertaining to watch; Will and Harper have such an enviable friendship peppered with improvised comedy bits and inside jokes that the audience is lucky to be let in on for an hour.
Plus, some elder millennial did a flawless job at tugging on my nostalgic ass heartstrings with the soundtrack.
READING
Speaking of respectfully talking to each other
My dear friend
wrote an excellent and thoroughly-informed piece called The Biblical Case Against Donald Trump, by the son of an Evangelical pastor; who attended an Evangelical Bible college, an Evangelical university, and an Evangelical seminary; who was ordained in an Evangelical denomination and has served on the pastoral staff of three Evangelical churches; and is a faculty member of an Evangelical seminary.I also really appreciated this piece on the moral dilemma of this election for those who abhor the ‘wholesale slaughter of the Palestinian people,’ funded and armed by the U.S.
writes:I can't tell you how to resolve your moral dilemma. It's clear to me, in my own moral reckoning, that the best thing I can do for those suffering in Gaza, for the hostages and those suffering from the losses and terror of the Hamas attack, for the cause of peace and justice in the Middle East, for the many other vulnerable people in the US and around the world, and for the cause of liberty and justice for all to which I've devoted my life, is not just to vote for Harris and Walz, but to do everything I can in my power to see that they are elected in a huge blue wave that will bring us a Democratic House and Senate and push back the rising tide of fascism. And to that end, I embrace the joy and excitement and enthusiasm I saw at the Democratic Convention and feel from so many around us. It's not a heedless joy that says everything's all right in the world. It's the joy of a traveller lost in a dark woods who looks up and sees a faraway light beckoning and knows where to head, the joy of a surfer navigating a big, big wave, the joyful vision not of what is, but of the just and flourishing world that could be.
Speaking of speaking
As a language-freak, I geek out over the hows and whys behind English grammar—it’s a fascinating history lesson and art form, and I love the way that people play with it whether they like to rap or make puns.
I don’t like the way grammar can be weaponized as a tool of classism. And, so far, I haven’t found a book that helps me synthesize both those tendencies. Until…
Says Who?: A Kinder, Funner Usage Guide for Everyone Who Cares About Words by Anne Curzan has been an entertaining answer to my perpetual question: Why do we say it this way, but without all the discriminatory details, please??
My favorite thing about learning languages is that they are all living, breathing, ever-evolving things that help me have more compassion for my living, breathing, ever-evolving self. They are contemporary creatures rooted in deep history, and people will defend, protect, and reawaken them in the same sentence.
I’m fascinated by accents, slang, etymology, word play, and internet additions, so this book was like a sandbox for me to mess around in all these areas with equal exhilaration.
No syntax rule carries any more weight than a silly acronym, no dialect is more sophisticated than another. This book is for language-lovers who are in it for the jollies, not for the Oxford comma or whatever.
DOING
Write your obituary
Like this author, I write my obituary once a year. More often, in fact.
I’m thankful that I grew up in a family unafraid to talk about death (to the point where we refused to use the euphemisms of “passing away,” etc—they died) because it makes living a lot easier.
I’m uninterested in a long earthly life because I don’t see death as a bad thing; in fact, I’m excited for a beautiful adventure I know nothing about but have been preparing my whole life for—a journey which I hear is like “taking off a tight shoe.”
I know I want a proper funeral because I think expressing sadness is essential for the grief process (the new “Celebration of Life” model is lovely, but skips over a necessary step).
However, no black cloaks allowed: Everyone must wear pink and there must be overflowing coupes of champagne and a dance party afterwards, on my dime.
If anybody still feels like celebrating my life later, they can do so by making reservations for a restaurant they’ve always wanted to try, twirling around in a new outfit, chatting up a stranger, or volunteering their time at an animal rescue.
Absolutely nothing would make me happier.
While in Spain, I met up with my beautiful soulful world-changing friend Alejandro, who showed me the tattoo he got of my drawing.
It’s part of an illustration called “You Decide,” a collection of potential tombstones that reflect various trajectories we’re choosing for ourselves right now:
Alejandro tattooed his own choice: