Blue Notes #23: Emotional Emergency Kits
Election survival and more
Hello my sweet wonderful beautiful Blueberries,
A couple years ago, I was preparing for a move that I knew would be stressful, emotional, expensive, and inordinately time-consuming.
And I was right; during that whole moving process, I went to bed stressed, and I woke up stressed.
I was like walking static electricity, zapping everywhere and clinging to everything.
Because of my basket case status, I knew I theoretically should prioritize “self-care,” but I was hanging on by a thread, and that thread was not in her right mind to be self-ful or care-ful.
Fortunately, I had prepared an Emotional Emergency Kit beforehand:
I booked and pre-paid for non-negotiable workouts and yoga classes
I ordered meals in advance from a fancy delivery service to complement all the cartons of ice cream, and bulk-purchased some herbal sparkling water crap that claimed it would calm me (I’m pro-placebo!)
I rescheduled therapy appointments so they wouldn’t cut into my moving/stressing time
I drafted a text and an email saying that I might need a little extra time replying (the word “might” doing a lot of heavy lifting there…)
This was my first time as an adult truly “parenting myself,” a skill I learned about during my time as an ICU chaplain, but hadn’t yet implemented.
If I were my own parent during Move Week, I’d make my lunches, I’d make sure my room was clean, schedule my appointments, give myself encouraging words, implement a strict bedtime.
So, I did an adult version of that, self-caring as a highly-prepared parent would: AHEAD OF TIME.
Now, I habitually create “Emotional Emergency Kits” for weeks or months that I know will be challenging and when I’ll need extra support.
When I was editing my book—a vulnerable, creatively-draining process—I gave myself a schedule to edit in a beautiful setting every day, and a list of ways to recover from the emotional toll every evening: a bottle of bubble bath, a dinner date with a friend, a trashy reality TV episode I could watch on the stationary bike at the gym.
Of course, there are times in life when we’re caught off guard and can’t emotionally prepare, or when we have nothing left to give ourselves at the end of each day.
While my beloved stepdad (or, as I thought of him, DAD) was in hospice over the Christmas season, I had no time or energy or desire for self-care.
My dad was dying. My entire being, every single minute, was devoted to his end-of life.
However, I unknowingly began preparing an Emotional Emergency Kit long ago when I cultivated a friendship with my BFF, who sent me a gift certificate for a couple hours at a spa during one of those bleak afternoons.
I couldn’t be there for her on any level at that point, but she was there for me, because there’s an implicit trade-off in strong friendship.
Even if she was 5% stronger than me at that point, that extra bit of strength meant everything.
That brings me to this morning’s topic: How are you doing? How are you feeling?
Whether or not you’re American, you may notice a bit of, mm….tension…this week, as the U.S. prepares for yet another hard, heated, and exhausting Election Day.
I know that so many countries worldwide have been subjected to our bonkers and relentless news cycle, and I know that must be grating and occasionally infuriating. I am so sorry.
I hope that, in the midst of the chaos, and for your own sanity, you can keep in mind that the U.S. is a MASSIVE country (there are 11 U.S. states that would fit in the UK!) and that, just like everywhere else, every person here wants what they think is best for their family and country.
I believe that everyone wants to do what is good and right; they just have different definitions of that.
While it might be immediately enraging, it’s ultimately a great thing for all of us. Most moments of good change for the world have been a team effort from people who had very different opinions.
The U.S. is in a time of tremendous transition right now, and that’s bound to generate divisiveness and stir up controversy. As a unified nation, the United States is basically a pre-teen, and we’re going through puberty. :) We’re getting pimples, we’re trying to fit in, we’re trying to stand out, and we’re adjusting to the pressures of adulthood while we’re still in a child’s body.
The UK, for example, has been a unified nation twice as long, so its growing pains are largely in the past (with the desire for an occasional facelift and re-brand as an elder country. ;)
If Americans seem immature, it’s because we are!!
We haven’t even fully come into our own national identity yet, and we have so many different ideas about what that looks like.
Just like a middle schooler who is goth one week and preppy the next, we’re still figuring out our values, our limits, our style, in order to be a grownup country. Any preteen who is testing out their boundaries will naturally fall into extremes, and the U.S. is at the stage where we’re doing exactly that.
I strongly believe that extreme views are rooted in fear and insecurity, and at the end of the day we’re all just scared little children who are either counting on change…or terrified of it.
More on that in a minute. :)
For now, no matter what you’re dealing with this week—political or personal—I hope you’ll join me in a big ol’ deep breath.
And, if I can hope for much more: It’s that you won’t dehumanize anyone who disagrees with you.
I don’t fear the election result nearly as much as I fear the dehumanization that might accompany it. I hope you (and I!!) can remember that many of your closest friends might completely disagree with you on a non-political topic you hold so dear, and yet you love them.
And, most of all, no matter who you vote for, I hope that you feel safe, happy, supported, and loved today. I care soooo much less about who you vote for than who you are and what you need.
Throughout millennia, people have argued and disagreed about politics, but humans have always fed each other, and had each other’s backs. I love us. I believe in us.
And I’m expecting the same of you, Blueberries. ;)
Now, let’s get in to my Emotional Emergency Kit for this week!
And it’s an INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH KIT, as I’m going on vacation and meeting up with people today who—gasp!—I don’t always agree with about everything!!
Perhaps, like you, my nervous system is basically fried, so I need a lot of support in staying grounded, happy, and functioning during the next few days.