😭🥹🙏🏻These words pair beautifully with the proper UK Cadbury chocolate bar my husband just brought home from Scotland, my other home. Gorgeous as always, Mari.
This couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. I cried on the subway this morning reading this after stepping on the scale and hating the number. I’m coming to grips with hitting 30 and gaining 10 lbs in the last year when I’ve been working out and eating healthier than ever. Trying to just continue caring for my body and accept what she does with the rest..I just wish I wasn’t at war. This whole piece spoke to me so much and I will be re reading all week. Thank you so so much for sharing ❤️
"I just wish I wasn't at war" <--I have felt that sooo many times.
I also gained a substantial amount of weight during a time when I was exercising more than an hour a day, eating more vegetables than I ever thought possible! It took about 2 years for me to finally and fully accept my new shape (including an aggressive crash diet that made me realize there was nothing "natural" for me about being smaller!).
It's funny, just yesterday I was "feeling lighter" (whatever that means) and was curious if the scale would reflect that. I had to laugh that I'd actually gained a couple pounds since my last (very rare) weigh-in. It was maybe the first time that I interpreted the number as simply a neutral measurement, the same way I'd accept the weighing of my cat at the vet. Like, ok, this is the number of pounds my body weighs. It didn't affect my spirit or my self-worth or my day. And I was so proud of how much work it's taken to get there!
A few of my coaching clients who came to me with health concerns have identified this desire to "feel lighter" as you mention. When I ask them to describe what it's like for them when they feel the lightness, they do not mention weight or numbers on the scale, but rather an internal state of being. They are usually surprised when I reflect that back to them. And then we get to have fun cultivating their internal state of "lightness." :)
This was so beautiful thank you so much. Two key take-aways for me were:
"I live with mental disorders that want me to believe my intrusive thoughts are more pressing than any cue my body is giving me" - how often I think what the mind speaks is more important than what the body needs
"we are practically forced to disembody if we want to have any chance at fitting in" - I see this show up in all areas of my life and it's not until I've reached 28 that I've realised I'm not open for this experience anymore, I'm committing to finding the spaces where I fit in and am accepted as who I naturally am, however long that takes. I recognise I have the ability to do this because of my circumstances, which is why I feel I must choose it to pave the way for people who don't.
Ooo Emma, I think you discovered that last truth FAR earlier than most! And, gosh, you're so right--you really ARE helping pave the way for others. What a lovely reframe of specific privileges and opportunities. I'm inspired by you!!
One of my favorite embodiment writers, Dr. Hillary McBride, said that the body sends the brain SIXTEEN TIMES as many signals as the brain sends the body! I really try to keep that close in mind when I'm allowing my thoughts to dominate the complex conversation going on throughout my body (like when my body is clearly intuiting bad vibes from someone but my brain is overriding those, for one teeny tiny example)!
I love that statistic! What helps you listen to your body when you experience OCD and anxiety? I think I can resonate a little with my experience of ADHD and autism
Ooooh such a good question! Especially with OCD, I have to continually practice awareness so that I can identify what's OCD and what's "me." (I think of it as having a brain with tons of messages written all over the walls: some are meaningless graffiti, and some are important signs--and figuring out which is which takes extra mindfulness and time!) In my body, OCD thoughts feel very frantic and panicky, or rigid and extreme (very little room for nuance and forgiveness!). I've learned that thoughts that come from ME are calmer and less binary. Like, an OCD message is "If I don't pack perfectly for this trip, I will ruin it, and I will ruin the time I have with my friends, and I am an irresponsible person." That's obviously a panicky thought without much nuance! A thought from ME is, "It's inevitable that I won't pack perfectly, and I can handle that, and it's okay."
ADHD definitely has a lot of similarities!!! Some of my autistic friends feel like autism is very much tied to their identity and personality (very much "them"), and some feel like it's not a genuine part of them but rather more of a disorder to manage, so I'd be curious how listening to cues (from both brain and body) vary across the spectrum!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it really resonated with my own, particularly when you shared "some are meaningless graffiti, and some are important signs" what a great imagery to put to this situation.
There's still so much neurodiversity inside of neurodivergent minds as much as neurotypical, I never hear of one experience that's the same! From my experience, what's interesting is how our own experiences and perspectives also shape a lot of how we receive the experience we're having. I was only diagnosed last year and it was more of a relief than anything to see how things I was trying to 'fix', were things that I actually needed more so to accept. There must be so many factors at play as to whether you see it as who you are or a disorder to manage. For me, I almost find it to be a bit of both, depending on what's showing up. Thanks for a really interesting chat and moment of introspection!
I will be re-reading this again and again, what a beautiful and important message. Especially as women we are constantly being reminded we are not enough. Society sometimes makes being in your 30s feel like a terminal illness!! I am always fighting against the idea of I am more than my weight, my wrinkles, my rolls etc, yet it’s hard to escape the barrage of messages that claim weight loss is as easy as taking a pill, food is meant to be measured, beauty only comes in a size Small and more. I am so so tired of it.
Oof, I too am so, so tired of it. Something that helps me a lot is realizing that there is literally no end to the measurements of beauty, AND they are constantly changing. I love looking at sculptures and paintings of humans with lots of rolls and wrinkles--it gives such character and depth to the art. I also remember how much I love the "imperfections" of my friends and family members--gap teeth, forehead lines, aging soft skin, and tufts of thinning hair. I always thought that if I were married, I wouldn't have any insecurities, but NOPE! They are all still there haha!
Being at home in your own body is such a journey. I'm feeling this especially as I navigate my postpartum year. I used to think that I should always maintain the weight I was in high school, which is not healthy or realistic. Now I've accepted that bodies are meant to change. Thanks for sharing!
Whew, postpartum is a whooooole journey that I'm currently mentally preparing for...pre-pre-partum! :)
I have literally been comparing myself to my college body for years, which is deranged! I have juicier hips and stronger arms than that gal, and my body holds decades of more wisdom, joys, and adventures!
Another beautifully curated post. I like the idea of saving films/ books that are emotionally stirring/ consuming for the right moment in time, when we ready. We need to do them justice, just as they educate and connect with us. I love the idea also of referring to the body as "she" instead of it. It signals respect, care, acceptance. After many years of feeling experiencing low esteem due to my body, I have fully embraced its beauty and imperfections. It's a great feeling.
Thank you so much for this, Mari! I really needed to read these words today and am looking forward to the point when I feel at home in my body, too.
Do you have any suggestions for books, podcasts, articles, etc. to help educate others who grew up in diet culture and still equate thinness with health and morality? Thinking in particular of my Boomer mom - our relationship has really struggled because of her comments about my body (and I'm 32, so this has been a constant issue for decades). I'm not sure she'll be open to learning about new perspectives, but I'm going to send her your piece - it's so beautifully written and really encapsulates how I'd like my relationship with my body to evolve. Thank you, again!
Thank you for this, Mari. I am saving this to share with current and future clients, and to re-read myself. Your comments on being bored of self-criticism made me chuckle. I completely agree!
As someone who lives in her head almost all of her waking hours, I never truly realized how ignorant I am of my body until I read this through a wavy film of tears. Perhaps my never-feeling-at-home has nothing to do with my external surroundings and everything to do with my flesh and bones. I don’t want that Brutalist office building. I want the cozy cabin. What a gorgeous essay, Mari. One of your all time best. I’ve got some {good} work to do!!
Joyful and beautiful. Thank you for this!
I love hearing that word "joyful!" Thank you!
This is a fabulous piece. Thank you!
So important. Thanks for sharing ways you get into the home of your body.
Saving this forever. I need this whole essay tattooed on my body!!!!
Hehhehehe! I love that too much!!!
😭🥹🙏🏻These words pair beautifully with the proper UK Cadbury chocolate bar my husband just brought home from Scotland, my other home. Gorgeous as always, Mari.
YESSSS ugh I go wild for those purple packages!
This couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. I cried on the subway this morning reading this after stepping on the scale and hating the number. I’m coming to grips with hitting 30 and gaining 10 lbs in the last year when I’ve been working out and eating healthier than ever. Trying to just continue caring for my body and accept what she does with the rest..I just wish I wasn’t at war. This whole piece spoke to me so much and I will be re reading all week. Thank you so so much for sharing ❤️
"I just wish I wasn't at war" <--I have felt that sooo many times.
I also gained a substantial amount of weight during a time when I was exercising more than an hour a day, eating more vegetables than I ever thought possible! It took about 2 years for me to finally and fully accept my new shape (including an aggressive crash diet that made me realize there was nothing "natural" for me about being smaller!).
It's funny, just yesterday I was "feeling lighter" (whatever that means) and was curious if the scale would reflect that. I had to laugh that I'd actually gained a couple pounds since my last (very rare) weigh-in. It was maybe the first time that I interpreted the number as simply a neutral measurement, the same way I'd accept the weighing of my cat at the vet. Like, ok, this is the number of pounds my body weighs. It didn't affect my spirit or my self-worth or my day. And I was so proud of how much work it's taken to get there!
A few of my coaching clients who came to me with health concerns have identified this desire to "feel lighter" as you mention. When I ask them to describe what it's like for them when they feel the lightness, they do not mention weight or numbers on the scale, but rather an internal state of being. They are usually surprised when I reflect that back to them. And then we get to have fun cultivating their internal state of "lightness." :)
This was so beautiful thank you so much. Two key take-aways for me were:
"I live with mental disorders that want me to believe my intrusive thoughts are more pressing than any cue my body is giving me" - how often I think what the mind speaks is more important than what the body needs
"we are practically forced to disembody if we want to have any chance at fitting in" - I see this show up in all areas of my life and it's not until I've reached 28 that I've realised I'm not open for this experience anymore, I'm committing to finding the spaces where I fit in and am accepted as who I naturally am, however long that takes. I recognise I have the ability to do this because of my circumstances, which is why I feel I must choose it to pave the way for people who don't.
Thank you again Mari!
Ooo Emma, I think you discovered that last truth FAR earlier than most! And, gosh, you're so right--you really ARE helping pave the way for others. What a lovely reframe of specific privileges and opportunities. I'm inspired by you!!
One of my favorite embodiment writers, Dr. Hillary McBride, said that the body sends the brain SIXTEEN TIMES as many signals as the brain sends the body! I really try to keep that close in mind when I'm allowing my thoughts to dominate the complex conversation going on throughout my body (like when my body is clearly intuiting bad vibes from someone but my brain is overriding those, for one teeny tiny example)!
I love that statistic! What helps you listen to your body when you experience OCD and anxiety? I think I can resonate a little with my experience of ADHD and autism
Ooooh such a good question! Especially with OCD, I have to continually practice awareness so that I can identify what's OCD and what's "me." (I think of it as having a brain with tons of messages written all over the walls: some are meaningless graffiti, and some are important signs--and figuring out which is which takes extra mindfulness and time!) In my body, OCD thoughts feel very frantic and panicky, or rigid and extreme (very little room for nuance and forgiveness!). I've learned that thoughts that come from ME are calmer and less binary. Like, an OCD message is "If I don't pack perfectly for this trip, I will ruin it, and I will ruin the time I have with my friends, and I am an irresponsible person." That's obviously a panicky thought without much nuance! A thought from ME is, "It's inevitable that I won't pack perfectly, and I can handle that, and it's okay."
ADHD definitely has a lot of similarities!!! Some of my autistic friends feel like autism is very much tied to their identity and personality (very much "them"), and some feel like it's not a genuine part of them but rather more of a disorder to manage, so I'd be curious how listening to cues (from both brain and body) vary across the spectrum!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it really resonated with my own, particularly when you shared "some are meaningless graffiti, and some are important signs" what a great imagery to put to this situation.
There's still so much neurodiversity inside of neurodivergent minds as much as neurotypical, I never hear of one experience that's the same! From my experience, what's interesting is how our own experiences and perspectives also shape a lot of how we receive the experience we're having. I was only diagnosed last year and it was more of a relief than anything to see how things I was trying to 'fix', were things that I actually needed more so to accept. There must be so many factors at play as to whether you see it as who you are or a disorder to manage. For me, I almost find it to be a bit of both, depending on what's showing up. Thanks for a really interesting chat and moment of introspection!
I will be re-reading this again and again, what a beautiful and important message. Especially as women we are constantly being reminded we are not enough. Society sometimes makes being in your 30s feel like a terminal illness!! I am always fighting against the idea of I am more than my weight, my wrinkles, my rolls etc, yet it’s hard to escape the barrage of messages that claim weight loss is as easy as taking a pill, food is meant to be measured, beauty only comes in a size Small and more. I am so so tired of it.
Oof, I too am so, so tired of it. Something that helps me a lot is realizing that there is literally no end to the measurements of beauty, AND they are constantly changing. I love looking at sculptures and paintings of humans with lots of rolls and wrinkles--it gives such character and depth to the art. I also remember how much I love the "imperfections" of my friends and family members--gap teeth, forehead lines, aging soft skin, and tufts of thinning hair. I always thought that if I were married, I wouldn't have any insecurities, but NOPE! They are all still there haha!
Being at home in your own body is such a journey. I'm feeling this especially as I navigate my postpartum year. I used to think that I should always maintain the weight I was in high school, which is not healthy or realistic. Now I've accepted that bodies are meant to change. Thanks for sharing!
Whew, postpartum is a whooooole journey that I'm currently mentally preparing for...pre-pre-partum! :)
I have literally been comparing myself to my college body for years, which is deranged! I have juicier hips and stronger arms than that gal, and my body holds decades of more wisdom, joys, and adventures!
Another beautifully curated post. I like the idea of saving films/ books that are emotionally stirring/ consuming for the right moment in time, when we ready. We need to do them justice, just as they educate and connect with us. I love the idea also of referring to the body as "she" instead of it. It signals respect, care, acceptance. After many years of feeling experiencing low esteem due to my body, I have fully embraced its beauty and imperfections. It's a great feeling.
loved this so much. thank you thank you
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for this, Mari! I really needed to read these words today and am looking forward to the point when I feel at home in my body, too.
Do you have any suggestions for books, podcasts, articles, etc. to help educate others who grew up in diet culture and still equate thinness with health and morality? Thinking in particular of my Boomer mom - our relationship has really struggled because of her comments about my body (and I'm 32, so this has been a constant issue for decades). I'm not sure she'll be open to learning about new perspectives, but I'm going to send her your piece - it's so beautifully written and really encapsulates how I'd like my relationship with my body to evolve. Thank you, again!
Thank you for this, Mari. I am saving this to share with current and future clients, and to re-read myself. Your comments on being bored of self-criticism made me chuckle. I completely agree!
As someone who lives in her head almost all of her waking hours, I never truly realized how ignorant I am of my body until I read this through a wavy film of tears. Perhaps my never-feeling-at-home has nothing to do with my external surroundings and everything to do with my flesh and bones. I don’t want that Brutalist office building. I want the cozy cabin. What a gorgeous essay, Mari. One of your all time best. I’ve got some {good} work to do!!
Bawled my eyes out today reading this piece. Beautiful and well-said. Thank you for this, Mari.