Was so curious when I saw the title of this week's letter, as last week one of my best friends insisted on a "Hot Ones & Eulogies" party for her birthday — in between rounds of spicy wings, every friend at the table stood up and gave her a eulogy. We laughed, we cried, and it may have seemed macabre, but we found it pretty glorious to pay heartfelt, hilarious homage to an irreplaceable presence while she's still with us. I've always loved reading eulogies – so much humor and wisdom in the best of them – and I loved reading about Jim and his sense of awe. He's so wonderfully alive in your words.
What a great tribute to your stepdad! I bet you inspired everyone in the church to live more fully. I'm also from a family that gravitates toward grief and death. When I was growing up, my friends' moms were taking them for ice cream and to play in the park. But my mom was taking me and my sisters to funeral homes to pay our respects. So we got comfortable with death early on. I had the extreme privilege of writing and delivering the eulogy for both my mother-in-law and father-in-law. And I have my own obituary all ready to go. If it were possible, I would love to deliver the eulogy at my own funeral. Memento Mori. You understand!
You and I are at the very least second cousins once removed. I retired in 2010 from my work as a Hospice chaplain, the only job I was ever suited for. Of course, I read obituaries daily. In the NYT, I see people I went to school with in the city in the '50s and it feels like a reunion. Your eulogy for your step-dad is so moving to me. All that data about where the person got his degree and so on is so unnecessary. What matters is who they touched and how they imprinted their goodness on the world.
What a beautiful eulogy. I have developed a habit of formally interviewing the older people in my family, I highly reccommend it. I think about death often but your experience illustration cuts through the noise and delivers the perfect message. Rest in awe, Jim. And sending strength and solace to you. 💛
Thank you so much for printing your awesome obituary to Jim. Even though I was there and heard you speak, being able to absorb all of your words really has helped me. God bless…
That was such a beautiful tribute to your stepfather, Mari! It felt like I knew Jim well just by reading your words. He sounded like a wonderful person and I'm sorry for your loss. My grandfather is getting on and my sister and I have already discussed that when he passes, we would write and read out the eulogy (which I've never done before). My Mum was relieved that we have offered to do that. I've written down so much about his life over the years, made sure to ask him all these questions about his childhood and young adulthood. I think writing it will be part of the grieving and healing process. I don't look forward to his passing but I look forward to celebrating his life and what he meant to our family. :)
I am so glad you posted this sweet Mari. I SO wanted to be at his celebration but no longer drive in the dark, and was worried it would be on the way home. What a beautiful tribute to Jim. That picture is lovely...I've always admired the HUGE peridot in the cross. I no longer attend OSP. Thank you for this.
Every morning in the daily news digest the NYTimes sends out, they include a "Lives Lived" obit of someone who did something notable. I make a point to read each one daily, and I've learned about so many interesting, inspiring people because of it!
this was so beautiful Mari. one thing that really changed the way i think about death is sacred harp music. this is an old American hymnal filled with haunting and sometimes strangely upbeat songs about the beauty of dying and moving on. if you like gospel music, you might find it interesting. as someone who used to be terrified of dying, a pivotal experience for me was singing one of my recently deceased singing friend's favorite songs and really listening to the lyrics. made me realize that she would have been at peace and even looking forward to dying. one of my favorite songs from this book is called Going Home (https://youtu.be/t4liEuDm8ac).
This was truly beautiful. And how lucky you were to know someone like Jim. May we all be so lucky and hopefully embody those good qualities in ourselves. Rest in awesome Jim ❤️
So beautiful! I didn't know you have a stepdad, he sounds awesome!
Also, I'm taking a creative writing workshop and the teacher asked us to do our obituary. It was weird because I've spent all of my twenties really focused on advancing in my career, however, in my eulogoy I didn't write about it, I wrote about love, mostly. So I guess I need to recheck my priorities and how I'm spending my time. Thank you for this reflection, Mari. :)
Jim sounds like the most incredible human. Sometime we should all be so lucky to know. At the very least, we can LIVE in awe to honor such a man and the family who mourns him.
Was so curious when I saw the title of this week's letter, as last week one of my best friends insisted on a "Hot Ones & Eulogies" party for her birthday — in between rounds of spicy wings, every friend at the table stood up and gave her a eulogy. We laughed, we cried, and it may have seemed macabre, but we found it pretty glorious to pay heartfelt, hilarious homage to an irreplaceable presence while she's still with us. I've always loved reading eulogies – so much humor and wisdom in the best of them – and I loved reading about Jim and his sense of awe. He's so wonderfully alive in your words.
What a great tribute to your stepdad! I bet you inspired everyone in the church to live more fully. I'm also from a family that gravitates toward grief and death. When I was growing up, my friends' moms were taking them for ice cream and to play in the park. But my mom was taking me and my sisters to funeral homes to pay our respects. So we got comfortable with death early on. I had the extreme privilege of writing and delivering the eulogy for both my mother-in-law and father-in-law. And I have my own obituary all ready to go. If it were possible, I would love to deliver the eulogy at my own funeral. Memento Mori. You understand!
You and I are at the very least second cousins once removed. I retired in 2010 from my work as a Hospice chaplain, the only job I was ever suited for. Of course, I read obituaries daily. In the NYT, I see people I went to school with in the city in the '50s and it feels like a reunion. Your eulogy for your step-dad is so moving to me. All that data about where the person got his degree and so on is so unnecessary. What matters is who they touched and how they imprinted their goodness on the world.
What a beautiful eulogy. I have developed a habit of formally interviewing the older people in my family, I highly reccommend it. I think about death often but your experience illustration cuts through the noise and delivers the perfect message. Rest in awe, Jim. And sending strength and solace to you. 💛
Thank you so much for printing your awesome obituary to Jim. Even though I was there and heard you speak, being able to absorb all of your words really has helped me. God bless…
That was such a beautiful tribute to your stepfather, Mari! It felt like I knew Jim well just by reading your words. He sounded like a wonderful person and I'm sorry for your loss. My grandfather is getting on and my sister and I have already discussed that when he passes, we would write and read out the eulogy (which I've never done before). My Mum was relieved that we have offered to do that. I've written down so much about his life over the years, made sure to ask him all these questions about his childhood and young adulthood. I think writing it will be part of the grieving and healing process. I don't look forward to his passing but I look forward to celebrating his life and what he meant to our family. :)
What a wonderful eulogy. ❤️ love this reminder for all of us!
I am so glad you posted this sweet Mari. I SO wanted to be at his celebration but no longer drive in the dark, and was worried it would be on the way home. What a beautiful tribute to Jim. That picture is lovely...I've always admired the HUGE peridot in the cross. I no longer attend OSP. Thank you for this.
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This is beautiful, Mari!
Every morning in the daily news digest the NYTimes sends out, they include a "Lives Lived" obit of someone who did something notable. I make a point to read each one daily, and I've learned about so many interesting, inspiring people because of it!
this was so beautiful Mari. one thing that really changed the way i think about death is sacred harp music. this is an old American hymnal filled with haunting and sometimes strangely upbeat songs about the beauty of dying and moving on. if you like gospel music, you might find it interesting. as someone who used to be terrified of dying, a pivotal experience for me was singing one of my recently deceased singing friend's favorite songs and really listening to the lyrics. made me realize that she would have been at peace and even looking forward to dying. one of my favorite songs from this book is called Going Home (https://youtu.be/t4liEuDm8ac).
This was truly beautiful. And how lucky you were to know someone like Jim. May we all be so lucky and hopefully embody those good qualities in ourselves. Rest in awesome Jim ❤️
Mari, this was so beautiful. I hope someone writes about me like that. Or even thinks about me in such a wonderful way. What an inspiration!
So beautiful! I didn't know you have a stepdad, he sounds awesome!
Also, I'm taking a creative writing workshop and the teacher asked us to do our obituary. It was weird because I've spent all of my twenties really focused on advancing in my career, however, in my eulogoy I didn't write about it, I wrote about love, mostly. So I guess I need to recheck my priorities and how I'm spending my time. Thank you for this reflection, Mari. :)
Jim sounds like the most incredible human. Sometime we should all be so lucky to know. At the very least, we can LIVE in awe to honor such a man and the family who mourns him.
I love the part about you remembering the young girl. Some things stay with us forever.