I failed at letting things go. (Is it possible we have to let certain things go hundreds of times?)
"I cast the people of my life in roles they never auditioned for, and got upset when they didn't follow the script." -- so beautifully put. I hate it when people do this to me, but am sure I do it to others as well. I remember reading that one "level of health" in the enneagram involved an "an over-identification with roles" and I think about all the time.
Speaking of phrases I'm sure I'll think of all the time, I now have a new one: "zeitgeist-fatigue." Indeed.
Thanks for writing this lovely letter, and happy new year! <3
I failed at being a mom that can do everything, I failed at accepting certain peoples annoying characteristics and always bring irritated by them on repeat. I have failed at doing the things I want.
Is there a mom who can do everything? I hope not, because then I think she'd be a computer and not a human being. It is so endlessly difficult to accept annoying characteristics! Any tips are welcome :)
Not enjoying travelling Europe in a van🤭 I mean, trip of a lifetime, blah blah. But I just want to be back in New Zealand on my land in my garden enjoying spring and summer and planting and expanding and the slower pace with less people. I love our van, I love adventures and seeing new things. I guess I love my 50 years of gardening more. Sorry Europe.
I SO RELATE TO THIS! "Sorry Europe." Thank you for giving me a chuckle, and a swoon over the idea of spring and summer in a beautiful garden. New Zealand is a dream of mine. xx
I failed at thinking it would be a walk in the park to leave the Berkshires after 50 years, buy a condo in the Twin Cities and leave there after two months to spend the winter in California. Why am I so inflexible? Also wanted to add that we have the same writing non-process.
Covid noooo!! Suckhole!! Coincidentally my best fail: This October my spouse and I took our first “real” “for fun” vacation since 2015 (aka: not business-related) and felt Covidesque symptoms within 3 hours of leaving our house. And of course I didn’t get the easy breezy “oh I just had a headache for a day” version either. I hope your Day 7 feels much better and you’re back to creative daydreaming about successful future fails. All kidding aside, this exercise totally rules, and I feel all the weight lifting from my overwhelmed Sea Goat Self who ALWAYS over-engineers her new year’s goals. So thank you for THAT gift too.
Okay I've just added to my resolutions to use "totally rules" more! I only do this because I loooove over-engineering those goals and completely forgetting I'm ME, instead of a highly disciplined person with unlimited funds and zero hormones and a home in a perpetually-mildly-temperate climate.
My favorite failure was herniating my L4/L5 disc. It allowed me to rely on my amazing husband for support (and stretch him to take on, and maybe value, a lot of my household responsibilities.) It introduced me to an amazing physical therapist and his colleagues. It helped me explore the benefits of rest AND appreciate how much I like to move. It made me ask for help and understanding. It sucked. But, there were some good things, too.
I love this idea! Everyone is always flexing the highlights, but this is such an honest and humble approach to connecting with others. My biggest fail of 2022 was not getting 'the job', applying, interviewing and going in over confident - all lessons in humility.
Duolingo French = epic fail. Even the frog got weary of reminding and encouraging me. Making a new friend who likes the same movies I do was also a swing and a miss. Onward to 2023.
Hhahahhaa I love thinking about this weary frog! My Portuguese one is sick of me too! I know all about those friendship swings and misses. Here's to more swings in the new year!
I also failed to impress the audience with my flawless *English*... I thought I was a fairly proficient English speaker until the moment came to give a presentation or explain a fairly complex topic and I found myself desperately searching for words 😅
But on the other hand, I met a couple of Spanish speaking people from other Latin American countries (I'm from Peru and met people from Colombia and Mexico) and some other people eager to learn Spanish, and it's been delightful to compare our different ways of speaking Spanish and trying to explain the twists and turns of my mother tongue to an interested audience 😄 (The thing that always gets me is how popcorn has a different name in every Latin American country 😆)
So keep going! It's a beautiful language indeed (although I might be biased 😄)
Thank you for this. So real and true. I especially loved the description of your writing process. It is similar to my most productive writing, too. It's writing without writing. Thinking. Reflecting. Ruminating even. Then a rush of writing in my journal one morning, only to face the next morning of something I call "dumb head" where I can't think a thought deeper than knowing I have to pee.
I loved the quote from Nigella Lawson. As a Buddhist podcaster and writer, people want me most to tell them how peaceful they can be and how they can shake of the "randomness", uncertainty, and chaos that life is through some 'magic' Buddhist practice. It horrifies them to learn that it is in the understanding and embrace of all the crap life deals, they can find a peace ... not in escape. Such an awesome quote from Nigella, thank you!
I failed at publishing my 2nd book in 2022 but I'm still writing it and I won't fail in 2023 unless I can no longer think about it.
I want to hug this comment! One of my mentors says, "It's easy to be spiritual in the woods; it's much harder when you're on the phone with an insurance company." I am a Buddhist Christian for this exact reason; Buddhism grounds me in the real and earthy, Christianity takes me somewhere else.
And I'm hugging this back! Your mentor is right ... there's also this from Zen Buddhist wisdom, "If you think you're enlightened, spend a week with your family."
And BINGO: "Buddhism grounds me in the real and earth." That's where Buddhism lives; in things as they are, not as you want them to be.
I failed at creating a romantic relationship I would actually wanted to be a part of. I was proud of myself for opening up and dating again but I mostly learned about things to avoid in the world of dating and romance.
I succeeded in steering my boat away from a dock that no longer felt right, but failed to make it out of the marina. It's okay though; I'm learning how to work the sails.
Thanks for sharing your list! I guess by accepting the "failure" I could see the learning points, progress, attempts and also hope that some of the things I/we "human beans" fail(ed) at could be done maybe and even if not - it's not always so tragic as it could seem to be at some point. And there is some humour in some failure as well I guess. In 2022 I failed at reducing the amount of work I am doing by picking 1 or 2 jobs instead of keeping 3 I like (but still..3?!) (because the logic that I still want to change/replace with smth less demanding is: the more I work, the bigger my worth is). And I also failed at getting over a difficult situation with someone happening over an year ago and stay in the past - I know that my amygdala does play some role in that and yet - I wish the next year to be the one where I could really leave this in the past more clearly. Anddd also, I failed at finishing my art therapy course, butt I am working on that now, determined to do it in 2023.:) Sooo, I guess I am seeing hope for all things I mentioned. Where I might fail next year is.. hopefully not again those things.:)))
I do love the new year for providing a clean slate to do-over! You and I both have some work to do in 2023 but I'm rooting for us both. And if we fail again, well yes, it's very funny, and very human-bean, and can connect us to those around us.... a bunch of glorious beautiful fascinating failures, we all are!
I failed at letting things go. (Is it possible we have to let certain things go hundreds of times?)
"I cast the people of my life in roles they never auditioned for, and got upset when they didn't follow the script." -- so beautifully put. I hate it when people do this to me, but am sure I do it to others as well. I remember reading that one "level of health" in the enneagram involved an "an over-identification with roles" and I think about all the time.
Speaking of phrases I'm sure I'll think of all the time, I now have a new one: "zeitgeist-fatigue." Indeed.
Thanks for writing this lovely letter, and happy new year! <3
I do think it may take 500 times to let something go. And then maybe a few hundred more times! Happy New Year, sweet Joyce!!
❤️❤️❤️
I failed at being a mom that can do everything, I failed at accepting certain peoples annoying characteristics and always bring irritated by them on repeat. I have failed at doing the things I want.
I do like your list.
Habla espanol - no te preocupes de los errores!
Hehe gracias for the encouragement!
Is there a mom who can do everything? I hope not, because then I think she'd be a computer and not a human being. It is so endlessly difficult to accept annoying characteristics! Any tips are welcome :)
Not enjoying travelling Europe in a van🤭 I mean, trip of a lifetime, blah blah. But I just want to be back in New Zealand on my land in my garden enjoying spring and summer and planting and expanding and the slower pace with less people. I love our van, I love adventures and seeing new things. I guess I love my 50 years of gardening more. Sorry Europe.
I SO RELATE TO THIS! "Sorry Europe." Thank you for giving me a chuckle, and a swoon over the idea of spring and summer in a beautiful garden. New Zealand is a dream of mine. xx
I failed at thinking it would be a walk in the park to leave the Berkshires after 50 years, buy a condo in the Twin Cities and leave there after two months to spend the winter in California. Why am I so inflexible? Also wanted to add that we have the same writing non-process.
Wow, what an adventure! You don't sound inflexible; you sound like a person who knows what she wants!!
Yeah, but there are always compromises and many competing needs. Such is life.....The point is to stay in it and be aware of the blessing.
Covid noooo!! Suckhole!! Coincidentally my best fail: This October my spouse and I took our first “real” “for fun” vacation since 2015 (aka: not business-related) and felt Covidesque symptoms within 3 hours of leaving our house. And of course I didn’t get the easy breezy “oh I just had a headache for a day” version either. I hope your Day 7 feels much better and you’re back to creative daydreaming about successful future fails. All kidding aside, this exercise totally rules, and I feel all the weight lifting from my overwhelmed Sea Goat Self who ALWAYS over-engineers her new year’s goals. So thank you for THAT gift too.
Okay I've just added to my resolutions to use "totally rules" more! I only do this because I loooove over-engineering those goals and completely forgetting I'm ME, instead of a highly disciplined person with unlimited funds and zero hormones and a home in a perpetually-mildly-temperate climate.
My favorite failure was herniating my L4/L5 disc. It allowed me to rely on my amazing husband for support (and stretch him to take on, and maybe value, a lot of my household responsibilities.) It introduced me to an amazing physical therapist and his colleagues. It helped me explore the benefits of rest AND appreciate how much I like to move. It made me ask for help and understanding. It sucked. But, there were some good things, too.
This is why I love making these lists. How much can fill the spaces that the failures carve out!
I love this idea! Everyone is always flexing the highlights, but this is such an honest and humble approach to connecting with others. My biggest fail of 2022 was not getting 'the job', applying, interviewing and going in over confident - all lessons in humility.
Oh gosh, yes, good old humility! I got so many doses of that last year, and a couple more dollops this year!
I like your list! I failed at painting more. I want to paint...but have a hundred reasons why I don’t. I shall try, try again.
You shall, you shall! I'm right there with you. Why can it be so difficult to do the things we want to do!?
I don’t know, but I appreciate you helping me rally! 💜
Duolingo French = epic fail. Even the frog got weary of reminding and encouraging me. Making a new friend who likes the same movies I do was also a swing and a miss. Onward to 2023.
Hhahahhaa I love thinking about this weary frog! My Portuguese one is sick of me too! I know all about those friendship swings and misses. Here's to more swings in the new year!
I also failed to impress the audience with my flawless *English*... I thought I was a fairly proficient English speaker until the moment came to give a presentation or explain a fairly complex topic and I found myself desperately searching for words 😅
But on the other hand, I met a couple of Spanish speaking people from other Latin American countries (I'm from Peru and met people from Colombia and Mexico) and some other people eager to learn Spanish, and it's been delightful to compare our different ways of speaking Spanish and trying to explain the twists and turns of my mother tongue to an interested audience 😄 (The thing that always gets me is how popcorn has a different name in every Latin American country 😆)
So keep going! It's a beautiful language indeed (although I might be biased 😄)
Thank you for this. So real and true. I especially loved the description of your writing process. It is similar to my most productive writing, too. It's writing without writing. Thinking. Reflecting. Ruminating even. Then a rush of writing in my journal one morning, only to face the next morning of something I call "dumb head" where I can't think a thought deeper than knowing I have to pee.
I loved the quote from Nigella Lawson. As a Buddhist podcaster and writer, people want me most to tell them how peaceful they can be and how they can shake of the "randomness", uncertainty, and chaos that life is through some 'magic' Buddhist practice. It horrifies them to learn that it is in the understanding and embrace of all the crap life deals, they can find a peace ... not in escape. Such an awesome quote from Nigella, thank you!
I failed at publishing my 2nd book in 2022 but I'm still writing it and I won't fail in 2023 unless I can no longer think about it.
I want to hug this comment! One of my mentors says, "It's easy to be spiritual in the woods; it's much harder when you're on the phone with an insurance company." I am a Buddhist Christian for this exact reason; Buddhism grounds me in the real and earthy, Christianity takes me somewhere else.
Ordering your book now!
And I'm hugging this back! Your mentor is right ... there's also this from Zen Buddhist wisdom, "If you think you're enlightened, spend a week with your family."
And BINGO: "Buddhism grounds me in the real and earth." That's where Buddhism lives; in things as they are, not as you want them to be.
THANK YOU for the book order! _/|\_
I failed at creating a romantic relationship I would actually wanted to be a part of. I was proud of myself for opening up and dating again but I mostly learned about things to avoid in the world of dating and romance.
I feel you, very much. It's never ever a failure to open up, but gosh it can feel so defeating sometimes. Much love your way in 2023, please xoxo
Loved this, Mari. I'm trying to embrace that imperfection is something to celebrate too. I failed at getting into the Master's program that I wanted!
Oh dang!!!! I didn't get into the one I wanted either, a few years ago. It led to good things, but it's such a heartbreak! Sending lots of love!
Thank you 💛
I succeeded in steering my boat away from a dock that no longer felt right, but failed to make it out of the marina. It's okay though; I'm learning how to work the sails.
Thanks for sharing your list! I guess by accepting the "failure" I could see the learning points, progress, attempts and also hope that some of the things I/we "human beans" fail(ed) at could be done maybe and even if not - it's not always so tragic as it could seem to be at some point. And there is some humour in some failure as well I guess. In 2022 I failed at reducing the amount of work I am doing by picking 1 or 2 jobs instead of keeping 3 I like (but still..3?!) (because the logic that I still want to change/replace with smth less demanding is: the more I work, the bigger my worth is). And I also failed at getting over a difficult situation with someone happening over an year ago and stay in the past - I know that my amygdala does play some role in that and yet - I wish the next year to be the one where I could really leave this in the past more clearly. Anddd also, I failed at finishing my art therapy course, butt I am working on that now, determined to do it in 2023.:) Sooo, I guess I am seeing hope for all things I mentioned. Where I might fail next year is.. hopefully not again those things.:)))
I do love the new year for providing a clean slate to do-over! You and I both have some work to do in 2023 but I'm rooting for us both. And if we fail again, well yes, it's very funny, and very human-bean, and can connect us to those around us.... a bunch of glorious beautiful fascinating failures, we all are!
I burst into tears on reading, "Be your own Mari." I will write more when I recover from what has unleashed. I love you.