as a fellow expert gift giver... yes to all of this!!! I think my most useful tip ever has been just paying attention. When your friend says "ugh i wish i had a small fan for this window" or notes that her all pink toolbox doesn't have a needle nose pliers, put that shit straight into your notes app. I have a note called "gifts" and under each persons name i just write the stuff that person says they need or want. Or just things they're super into. My sister is in a huge ACOTAR phase- I might do those pretty custom book slip covers they make on etsy for her this year. She's also mentioned wanting to try brown as an accessory, so I have been stalking her pinterest for purse / belt inspo. My brother can never find good skincare stuff bc he has the same skin as me (rosacea, dry, very sensitive and fussy). I'm gonna send him my skincare wins of the past year for his upcoming birthday. My other brother hates clutter- I know better than to give him an object. I give him a spotify or airline gift card every year along with a card of some favorite memories. Good gift giving isn't about money or effort rlly- it's about paying attention. Nothing makes someone feel better than knowing that someone paid real true attention to you, noticed a need/want, and filled it, without having to be asked.
You're a genius!!!! It really is all about paying attention! I think that's why it comes in first on my love languages, knowing that someone has been valuing the things I say over time. And it doesn't take much extra effort if you pay close attention! Your siblings hit the jackpot with you. LOVE the idea of stalking Pinterest--so smart! And I love giving people good skincare finds as they 'get older' (whatever that means to them ;), it's such a loving way to take care of them from afar!
Was literally about to comment about how I keep a running note on my phone of ideas when my loved ones mention something they want/need and then saw you already posted it lol. Big +1 from me, has totally upgraded my gift giving! People are always so touched when you remember things they've maybe mentioned once or twice, and it TRULY makes shopping at the holidays/birthdays soo easy when you can just scroll through the note and select something.
Hi! My sister-in-love is a huge ACOTAR fan. What keyword do you enter in Etsy to find the pretty book slip covers? Thank you so much, if you happen to see this :)
This post was right up my street! I am bookmarking it to come back to around Christmas, thank you Mari. I looove gift giving so much so here are some things I've gifted throughout the years:
1. Give a friend an experience for you guys to do together that will create new memories in the friendship. Either something they've always wanted to try, or something they love that they would love to do with you. Or something brand new to both of you! All they need to do is pick a date and you organise the rest. Things I've done with this include pottery, wine tasting, and paddle board yoga.
2. Combine two things they love in one gift. Say they love cats and photography, how about a coffee table book of really beautiful cat photographs? Or they love feminism and cartoons - you can take them to see an animated film with feminist themes, or find a comic book with feminist themes, etc.
3. You can also get them a really thoughtful/personal/luxe version of something they love. For example, a friend once homemade a jar of pesto for me as I was forever buying cheap stars from the grocery store. Or say if they like candles, get them a really nice one from the best candle brand that they would never splash out on (Diptyque I'm looking at you).
4. A membership to something for the year, for something they enjoy but don't go to enough. I once got my brother a membership to this favourite museum, so he got to go to every exhibition they put on that year. Or for a musician friend, you can get them a membership to an orchestra or music venue in their town. Essentially, make it easier/remove obstacles for them to do more of what they love.
5. A memory of something you did together. For example, I recently went to a concert with a friend for a band we both love. Neither of us got merch on the night as it was too expensive so for her birthday I got her the t-shirt with the tour dates on the back that include the night we went.
6. Make something. I knit my dad a scarf to wear on his winter dog walks, I made bath salts (surprisingly easy) for my sister-in-law who is on her feet all day, I made limoncello (again, surprisingly easy) for a friend who loves to host.
Gabrielle!! You are such a superstar! Thank you so so much for these brilliant additions! Saving them in a doc for future use! :)
-Oh my gosh, that merch idea is soooo sweet. I LOVE that. It actually gave me the most delightful full-body shiver because I can imagine that was such a wonderful gift to receive!!! Or like some cool souvenir from a place you went together would be so nice to re-live a memory. I just love that!
-YESSSS to making things!!!! I'm always so touched when someone puts a little effort into creating something for me with their very own hands! Who wouldn't want to receive a bottle of limoncello!?
-Okay that idea of getting them the luxe version of something they really love...SO SMART!!! My friend recently got me some super fabulous pasta and it felt majestic to receive, like the queen's jewels. I always love getting a good cook some splurgy spices (saffron!) that they may not buy for themselves. So smart!
I just love every single one of these! Thank you angel!!!!
I too love giving thoughtful gifts. I’m a minimalist so I’m not great on receiving them though…
I like to start my Christmas shopping in August and be finished by November each year. I keep a note in my phone during the year if someone mentions something or an idea strikes. My daughters (18 and 15) do this now too and I think it’s the sweetest.
When my 4 children were younger we did the ‘4 gift rule’. Something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read. Even though my husband and I are minimalists I still wanted our children to feel abundance and 4 gifts was the sweet spot.
Now that my children are older (young adults) and two of them have left the nest, I’m giving them one more expensive gift each and a stocking.
For friends I try not to give something that might burden them so always opt for consumable or experiential gifts. My two girlfriends (born two days apart) both love lemon Myrtle so recently I bought them both expensive lemon Myrtle skincare and body packs; shampoo + conditioner, moisturiser, cleanser etc. They were delighted, and once it’s used up it doesn’t have to take up space in their homes and their minds forever.
Yes yes yes, Amanda! I always wonder how a minimalist approaches this ;) and you've mastered it! I've been more mindful than ever this year of not adding to anyone's clutter (including the earth's clutter!) so experiential and consumable are the way to go! I love that both your friends love lemon myrtle--what a darling thing to have in common!!
The Notes app method is so next level!! I always try to keep a list and then end up abandoning it, but you've inspired me to keep at it!
I work in a bricks and mortar zero waste shop so sustainability is important to us too.
Even as a kid my 20 year old son would say he had everything he needed and didn’t need anything for his birthdays. He is a barista in Melbourne and is a real foodie. His gift this year is going to be a Zassenhaus bread slicer as he loves to make sourdough, and just after he moved in July (20 hours away *cry*) I sent him a care package of organic spices and Celtic sea salt from my work and he was thrilled!
My daughters and husband love giving gifts too so for me personally I have a vintage gold charm bracelet from the 1940’s. Every year for my birthday and Christmas I ask them all to chip in and choose one vintage charm for me. I absolutely adore it and they love the tradition too.
I would like to plug @LemonetteArt on Etsy for custom watercolors! She painted the park where my husband proposed as a gift for him and did a lovely job.
Oh gosh, this was so delightful to read! I almost didn't read this because I feel that nearly all gift guides are impersonal and just fuel shallow consumerism. It's something I struggle with for typical gift-giving days in general (Christmas, birthdays). When that day approaches and I don't have anything, I freak out and fall into a trap where I'm just rushing to buy them something for the sake of buying them something. Not to say I don't want to shower my dears with love and appreciation and make them feel special, but I think capitalism has really pressured us to express that in a material way, and it bums me out sometimes.
But, what I have realized over the past few years is I LOVE spontaneous gift giving-- where something just screams "this is so _insert name_, I gotta get it for her." It's at the point where even if I find something somewhat close to holidays or a birthday, I am inclined to just gift it to the person immediately without waiting for the actual holiday itself. I've always felt like, why wait a few weeks for some arbitrary gift-giving day when I can just delight them now? Same idea as people who can't keep surprises (hello, me lol). It's just too exciting to hold inside!
I love how you really focus on the "why" behind a present rather than the item itself. And while yes, I'm vigorously taking notes on all the ideas you've listed, I want to share that my main takeaway was that we should spend more actively the full variety of life's moments. After reading this piece, a dear friend of mind wrapped up a big stage in her passion project, and is also spending her last week living solo in her apartment. Your piece made me think "we need to celebrate her and this accomplishment, as well as honor the end of this era in her life!" So I sent her flowers and a note, cheers-ing to the start of a new chapter. And she was delighted. Thank you for centering JOY in the act of of gift-giving!
I'm trying to become a better gift giver, so this was so helpful!! anything handmade is also always special, for those artistically inclined (I am not). my friend painted my husband's and my wedding flowers and framed the painting for us- it's stunning. another friend once gifted me a book of essays and starred the ones that made her think of me - I felt so seen! I did just order custom matchbooks for my friends who just bought a house they're calling "the cottage". Planning to gift them in a pretty thrifted dish.
I love to give good gifts that make people feel loved and seen, so this one really resonated with me!
One of my fav gifts I’ve given was a handwriting sign. I had a copy of a short verse my grandmother wrote and had https://aliwoodcreations.com/ make a custom sign for my parents. So special and personalized if you have something with important handwriting around!
This really resonated with me. I love giving gifts too! I especially love gifting little items to my sons' teachers throughout the year. I wait for the sale on sale at Anthropologie and pick up candles, face masks, lotions, that get the best reviews. Then I immediately put them in a sealed plastic bin so I don't open them for myself haha!
This is so relatable! I love giving gifts too - oh the joy of planning and finding the right gift for someone! I’m so glad there’s more of us out there haha. Lovely post and some great tips! I’m definitely going to refer back to this in the upcoming holiday season ❤️
I liked this piece but I would note that toiletries or any scented products as gifts unless you 100% specifically know what that person likes are an extremely bad idea. Scents are personal, as is skin care. I find any gifts like that as lazy and uncaring about who I am. I generally loathe strongly scented items. Definitely do not gift such gifts.
I just read this post and loved the “something to the table” idea. So luxurious! I also have an idea to add: photography shoot - either at a studio or outdoors or on a trip. It’s fun to get dolled up and make poses together and, on a trip, get the local photographer to show you her favourite spots. Experience + art + future nostalgia!
Recently on a trip to Istanbul (complete with a photo shoot), I actually wondered if you had been there, and thought that you would love it. The best part for me was not the historical architecture, delicious food nor the magnificent hammams…but the stray cats and dogs, who are very sweet, well-taken care of, and ubiquitous.
as a fellow expert gift giver... yes to all of this!!! I think my most useful tip ever has been just paying attention. When your friend says "ugh i wish i had a small fan for this window" or notes that her all pink toolbox doesn't have a needle nose pliers, put that shit straight into your notes app. I have a note called "gifts" and under each persons name i just write the stuff that person says they need or want. Or just things they're super into. My sister is in a huge ACOTAR phase- I might do those pretty custom book slip covers they make on etsy for her this year. She's also mentioned wanting to try brown as an accessory, so I have been stalking her pinterest for purse / belt inspo. My brother can never find good skincare stuff bc he has the same skin as me (rosacea, dry, very sensitive and fussy). I'm gonna send him my skincare wins of the past year for his upcoming birthday. My other brother hates clutter- I know better than to give him an object. I give him a spotify or airline gift card every year along with a card of some favorite memories. Good gift giving isn't about money or effort rlly- it's about paying attention. Nothing makes someone feel better than knowing that someone paid real true attention to you, noticed a need/want, and filled it, without having to be asked.
You're a genius!!!! It really is all about paying attention! I think that's why it comes in first on my love languages, knowing that someone has been valuing the things I say over time. And it doesn't take much extra effort if you pay close attention! Your siblings hit the jackpot with you. LOVE the idea of stalking Pinterest--so smart! And I love giving people good skincare finds as they 'get older' (whatever that means to them ;), it's such a loving way to take care of them from afar!
Was literally about to comment about how I keep a running note on my phone of ideas when my loved ones mention something they want/need and then saw you already posted it lol. Big +1 from me, has totally upgraded my gift giving! People are always so touched when you remember things they've maybe mentioned once or twice, and it TRULY makes shopping at the holidays/birthdays soo easy when you can just scroll through the note and select something.
yes to stalking Pinterest! I once got a wonderful present from my sister who had stalked my Tumblr 'likes' (this was back in 2012).
Hi! My sister-in-love is a huge ACOTAR fan. What keyword do you enter in Etsy to find the pretty book slip covers? Thank you so much, if you happen to see this :)
This post was right up my street! I am bookmarking it to come back to around Christmas, thank you Mari. I looove gift giving so much so here are some things I've gifted throughout the years:
1. Give a friend an experience for you guys to do together that will create new memories in the friendship. Either something they've always wanted to try, or something they love that they would love to do with you. Or something brand new to both of you! All they need to do is pick a date and you organise the rest. Things I've done with this include pottery, wine tasting, and paddle board yoga.
2. Combine two things they love in one gift. Say they love cats and photography, how about a coffee table book of really beautiful cat photographs? Or they love feminism and cartoons - you can take them to see an animated film with feminist themes, or find a comic book with feminist themes, etc.
3. You can also get them a really thoughtful/personal/luxe version of something they love. For example, a friend once homemade a jar of pesto for me as I was forever buying cheap stars from the grocery store. Or say if they like candles, get them a really nice one from the best candle brand that they would never splash out on (Diptyque I'm looking at you).
4. A membership to something for the year, for something they enjoy but don't go to enough. I once got my brother a membership to this favourite museum, so he got to go to every exhibition they put on that year. Or for a musician friend, you can get them a membership to an orchestra or music venue in their town. Essentially, make it easier/remove obstacles for them to do more of what they love.
5. A memory of something you did together. For example, I recently went to a concert with a friend for a band we both love. Neither of us got merch on the night as it was too expensive so for her birthday I got her the t-shirt with the tour dates on the back that include the night we went.
6. Make something. I knit my dad a scarf to wear on his winter dog walks, I made bath salts (surprisingly easy) for my sister-in-law who is on her feet all day, I made limoncello (again, surprisingly easy) for a friend who loves to host.
Gabrielle!! You are such a superstar! Thank you so so much for these brilliant additions! Saving them in a doc for future use! :)
-Oh my gosh, that merch idea is soooo sweet. I LOVE that. It actually gave me the most delightful full-body shiver because I can imagine that was such a wonderful gift to receive!!! Or like some cool souvenir from a place you went together would be so nice to re-live a memory. I just love that!
-YESSSS to making things!!!! I'm always so touched when someone puts a little effort into creating something for me with their very own hands! Who wouldn't want to receive a bottle of limoncello!?
-Okay that idea of getting them the luxe version of something they really love...SO SMART!!! My friend recently got me some super fabulous pasta and it felt majestic to receive, like the queen's jewels. I always love getting a good cook some splurgy spices (saffron!) that they may not buy for themselves. So smart!
I just love every single one of these! Thank you angel!!!!
i love all of these! thank you for the addition!
Ahh, these are some of my favorites, too! <3
Fabulous, Mari! Thank you!
I too love giving thoughtful gifts. I’m a minimalist so I’m not great on receiving them though…
I like to start my Christmas shopping in August and be finished by November each year. I keep a note in my phone during the year if someone mentions something or an idea strikes. My daughters (18 and 15) do this now too and I think it’s the sweetest.
When my 4 children were younger we did the ‘4 gift rule’. Something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read. Even though my husband and I are minimalists I still wanted our children to feel abundance and 4 gifts was the sweet spot.
Now that my children are older (young adults) and two of them have left the nest, I’m giving them one more expensive gift each and a stocking.
For friends I try not to give something that might burden them so always opt for consumable or experiential gifts. My two girlfriends (born two days apart) both love lemon Myrtle so recently I bought them both expensive lemon Myrtle skincare and body packs; shampoo + conditioner, moisturiser, cleanser etc. They were delighted, and once it’s used up it doesn’t have to take up space in their homes and their minds forever.
Yes yes yes, Amanda! I always wonder how a minimalist approaches this ;) and you've mastered it! I've been more mindful than ever this year of not adding to anyone's clutter (including the earth's clutter!) so experiential and consumable are the way to go! I love that both your friends love lemon myrtle--what a darling thing to have in common!!
The Notes app method is so next level!! I always try to keep a list and then end up abandoning it, but you've inspired me to keep at it!
Thanks Mari! I love that you’re so considered.
I work in a bricks and mortar zero waste shop so sustainability is important to us too.
Even as a kid my 20 year old son would say he had everything he needed and didn’t need anything for his birthdays. He is a barista in Melbourne and is a real foodie. His gift this year is going to be a Zassenhaus bread slicer as he loves to make sourdough, and just after he moved in July (20 hours away *cry*) I sent him a care package of organic spices and Celtic sea salt from my work and he was thrilled!
My daughters and husband love giving gifts too so for me personally I have a vintage gold charm bracelet from the 1940’s. Every year for my birthday and Christmas I ask them all to chip in and choose one vintage charm for me. I absolutely adore it and they love the tradition too.
I would like to plug @LemonetteArt on Etsy for custom watercolors! She painted the park where my husband proposed as a gift for him and did a lovely job.
WOW her work is gorgeous!!!! Thank you so much for the recommendation--I can already envision 10 gifts I'd love to commission from her!
She was so quick and easy to work with! Her piece makes me happy every time I see it :)
Oh gosh, this was so delightful to read! I almost didn't read this because I feel that nearly all gift guides are impersonal and just fuel shallow consumerism. It's something I struggle with for typical gift-giving days in general (Christmas, birthdays). When that day approaches and I don't have anything, I freak out and fall into a trap where I'm just rushing to buy them something for the sake of buying them something. Not to say I don't want to shower my dears with love and appreciation and make them feel special, but I think capitalism has really pressured us to express that in a material way, and it bums me out sometimes.
But, what I have realized over the past few years is I LOVE spontaneous gift giving-- where something just screams "this is so _insert name_, I gotta get it for her." It's at the point where even if I find something somewhat close to holidays or a birthday, I am inclined to just gift it to the person immediately without waiting for the actual holiday itself. I've always felt like, why wait a few weeks for some arbitrary gift-giving day when I can just delight them now? Same idea as people who can't keep surprises (hello, me lol). It's just too exciting to hold inside!
I love how you really focus on the "why" behind a present rather than the item itself. And while yes, I'm vigorously taking notes on all the ideas you've listed, I want to share that my main takeaway was that we should spend more actively the full variety of life's moments. After reading this piece, a dear friend of mind wrapped up a big stage in her passion project, and is also spending her last week living solo in her apartment. Your piece made me think "we need to celebrate her and this accomplishment, as well as honor the end of this era in her life!" So I sent her flowers and a note, cheers-ing to the start of a new chapter. And she was delighted. Thank you for centering JOY in the act of of gift-giving!
I'm trying to become a better gift giver, so this was so helpful!! anything handmade is also always special, for those artistically inclined (I am not). my friend painted my husband's and my wedding flowers and framed the painting for us- it's stunning. another friend once gifted me a book of essays and starred the ones that made her think of me - I felt so seen! I did just order custom matchbooks for my friends who just bought a house they're calling "the cottage". Planning to gift them in a pretty thrifted dish.
The custom matchbooks!!! That is the cutest thing I've ever heard!!! And in a pretty thrifted dish...wow, wow. Master Level Gift Giving.
This is fantastic! I love the idea of going to someone’s favorite type of shop and buying a few things for them!
I love to give good gifts that make people feel loved and seen, so this one really resonated with me!
One of my fav gifts I’ve given was a handwriting sign. I had a copy of a short verse my grandmother wrote and had https://aliwoodcreations.com/ make a custom sign for my parents. So special and personalized if you have something with important handwriting around!
THANK YOU!! This is so smart!!! Love the signs in the children's handwriting too!
This really resonated with me. I love giving gifts too! I especially love gifting little items to my sons' teachers throughout the year. I wait for the sale on sale at Anthropologie and pick up candles, face masks, lotions, that get the best reviews. Then I immediately put them in a sealed plastic bin so I don't open them for myself haha!
This is so relatable! I love giving gifts too - oh the joy of planning and finding the right gift for someone! I’m so glad there’s more of us out there haha. Lovely post and some great tips! I’m definitely going to refer back to this in the upcoming holiday season ❤️
I liked this piece but I would note that toiletries or any scented products as gifts unless you 100% specifically know what that person likes are an extremely bad idea. Scents are personal, as is skin care. I find any gifts like that as lazy and uncaring about who I am. I generally loathe strongly scented items. Definitely do not gift such gifts.
The best gift guide I've seen! Thank you!
I just read this post and loved the “something to the table” idea. So luxurious! I also have an idea to add: photography shoot - either at a studio or outdoors or on a trip. It’s fun to get dolled up and make poses together and, on a trip, get the local photographer to show you her favourite spots. Experience + art + future nostalgia!
Recently on a trip to Istanbul (complete with a photo shoot), I actually wondered if you had been there, and thought that you would love it. The best part for me was not the historical architecture, delicious food nor the magnificent hammams…but the stray cats and dogs, who are very sweet, well-taken care of, and ubiquitous.
What a fantastic post! Very much enjoyed that. And have saved it for future reference and ideas :)
I enjoyed devouring this so much. Thank you for your humour and getting me excited about gift giving this year! I xx
Thank you, Mari! So much of this resonates with me, and so much inspired me.
I think, above all, I enjoyed the little section on the energy and ephemeralness of restaurants, which has also been on my mind the past few days.