Gorgeous and true. Reminds me of a friend who says—instead of “I don’t know”—“I guess I haven’t learned that yet.” So far I speak used-to-do-ballet and can-read-a-river, as well as preacher-talk, midlife-mom-menopause, and book-nerd; but lately I’m finding my fluency in the language of loss and the grammar of grief. Hope you speak over-Covid soon and get back to dancing!
I speak the career language very well, but I will never speak the parenting language. Similar to your experience with career track conversations, I have a really hard time conversing in environments where folks are on the parent track. Something that my therapist said the other day that was really helpful was to notice when I'm feeling left out and figure out whether that's coming from an actual value or from societal expectations/expectations of a subset of the group you're in. If it's the latter, then I have to double down on my sense of self and my confidence in my unique path. It can be hard to push against the current, and it's something that's super present for me lately!
I think I speak the 9-5 Job Language pretty well but it makes me cringe sometimes how much that's the first thing people go to in conversation. I don't want to be defined by my job. I want to be defined by what brings me joy and who I am as a person. I love your take on looking at the other languages we speak. I think I speak the language of "lying on big rocks basking in the sun" and "watching the wind talk to the trees" pretty well. 😊
I love this reframing of places that are comfortable or uncomfortable as languages that you either speak or don't speak. Brilliant. I think of the career language as The Big World. I prefer the small world. Intimacy. Books. I'm fluent in library and I'm a retired chaplain. Someone once told me that being a chaplain is the one job you have to embark on later in life when you have some experience of what it means to be a human. It doesn't allow for career precocity.
I love this so much! I’m “between jobs” (I.e. having a small crisis about a career change), and I don’t think I speak the career language very well. I am very emotionally intelligent, though! I speak the friend language very well. I speak the book language very well. This is a great way to describe how we relate to the world!
I definitely speak quilting! I also speak as being a victim of insurance company greed,! I speak the language of proliferation of guns and the need for common sense legislation. And now I speak cancer and side effects
Loved this article - such a great way to frame this perspective. I went from being a law professor to taking a career break (at 33) and I dread now explaining to people what I do. I am almost always met with "wow" (at my past job) and then "oh, what do you do all day". Um I speak the language of multiple life changing diagnosis, the language of snowboarding surfing painting taking care of my husband and cooking and learning Italian and the list goes on 🫠
I think about this often and how daily life may value certain traits more than others but who would they want around if they encountered a crisis in a Spanish speaking country (or anywhere I’m sure)? You!
I speak the language of curiosity, creativity, knowledge acquiring, nomadic living, language learning, problem solving, embracing change...I trust all my strengths will come together in the way they’re meant to. :)
I never thought of what you described as speaking a language! Wow, this gives me a new perspective! I now realize that I’m versed in: airport navigation, working atypical hours (M-F, 9-5 wears me out), being imaginative, creative expression, and relating to shy/reserved kids and pets. I’m also an undercover cat lady and kitten whisperer.
Languages I would like to be versed in are: ASL and budgeting.
I feel you about taxes though; I’d rather do public speaking until the end of forever than do taxes.
Such a wonderful way to put this feeling into words, Mari, thank you!! It took me a while to notice (or to understand the effect it was having on me), but I've spent the last couple years surrounded by people whose language I didn't speak (metaphorically, but also on top of the actual 'I live in a foreign country and after four years I can finally participate in most group conversations but please don't make me do it all the time' reality). I'm now about to move to a new city and start a new job (next week!), and I can't wait to curate my spaces more consciously and find people who speak the same languages, in all of the ways, and to pick up some new ones :)
This post really speaks to me 😉 thank you Mari. I know the languages I definitely don’t speak: not fluent in hipster cafes, beach and bikini Canggu party clubs, or collaborative work spaces (I need to be alone to be productive, go figure). But my native languages are definitely: book stores, charity shops, being the workplace go-to for all the tricky questions, and navigating public transport anywhere in the world. Thank you for helping me see that not fitting in is nothing to be ashamed of. 🙏
I absolutely loved the caption about spending your whole life on stage rather than doing one minute of taxes. I definitely speak that. And anything artsy and communicative and fun.
Getting ready to spend quite a bit of time in hospitals - which isn’t a language I love to speak but try. My baby will be born soon and the docs say baby will have some weeks in the nicu. Any tips as hospital seems to be a language you speak well?
Again, your posts always bring humanity and joy to others! Thanks Mari!
I am still in a stage of life figuring out what languages I speak and don’t speak (or want to speak) and trying to embrace and be proud of that. Like I am recently encountering the “what do you do” and as someone who had quit my desk job to pursue my creativities and travels full time trying to imagine new ways of talking about the world, it has been so challenging connecting with people who probably expect a more straightforward answer (or they themselves have one?) it is a bit of an alienating experience still. still looking for the communities who speak the same language as me
Gorgeous and true. Reminds me of a friend who says—instead of “I don’t know”—“I guess I haven’t learned that yet.” So far I speak used-to-do-ballet and can-read-a-river, as well as preacher-talk, midlife-mom-menopause, and book-nerd; but lately I’m finding my fluency in the language of loss and the grammar of grief. Hope you speak over-Covid soon and get back to dancing!
I speak the career language very well, but I will never speak the parenting language. Similar to your experience with career track conversations, I have a really hard time conversing in environments where folks are on the parent track. Something that my therapist said the other day that was really helpful was to notice when I'm feeling left out and figure out whether that's coming from an actual value or from societal expectations/expectations of a subset of the group you're in. If it's the latter, then I have to double down on my sense of self and my confidence in my unique path. It can be hard to push against the current, and it's something that's super present for me lately!
I think I speak the 9-5 Job Language pretty well but it makes me cringe sometimes how much that's the first thing people go to in conversation. I don't want to be defined by my job. I want to be defined by what brings me joy and who I am as a person. I love your take on looking at the other languages we speak. I think I speak the language of "lying on big rocks basking in the sun" and "watching the wind talk to the trees" pretty well. 😊
I love this reframing of places that are comfortable or uncomfortable as languages that you either speak or don't speak. Brilliant. I think of the career language as The Big World. I prefer the small world. Intimacy. Books. I'm fluent in library and I'm a retired chaplain. Someone once told me that being a chaplain is the one job you have to embark on later in life when you have some experience of what it means to be a human. It doesn't allow for career precocity.
I love this so much! I’m “between jobs” (I.e. having a small crisis about a career change), and I don’t think I speak the career language very well. I am very emotionally intelligent, though! I speak the friend language very well. I speak the book language very well. This is a great way to describe how we relate to the world!
I definitely speak quilting! I also speak as being a victim of insurance company greed,! I speak the language of proliferation of guns and the need for common sense legislation. And now I speak cancer and side effects
Loved this article - such a great way to frame this perspective. I went from being a law professor to taking a career break (at 33) and I dread now explaining to people what I do. I am almost always met with "wow" (at my past job) and then "oh, what do you do all day". Um I speak the language of multiple life changing diagnosis, the language of snowboarding surfing painting taking care of my husband and cooking and learning Italian and the list goes on 🫠
I think about this often and how daily life may value certain traits more than others but who would they want around if they encountered a crisis in a Spanish speaking country (or anywhere I’m sure)? You!
I speak the language of curiosity, creativity, knowledge acquiring, nomadic living, language learning, problem solving, embracing change...I trust all my strengths will come together in the way they’re meant to. :)
“I would rather speak on stage for the rest of my life than spend one minute on my taxes.” Nothing more true for me has ever been said. Ha!
I never thought of what you described as speaking a language! Wow, this gives me a new perspective! I now realize that I’m versed in: airport navigation, working atypical hours (M-F, 9-5 wears me out), being imaginative, creative expression, and relating to shy/reserved kids and pets. I’m also an undercover cat lady and kitten whisperer.
Languages I would like to be versed in are: ASL and budgeting.
I feel you about taxes though; I’d rather do public speaking until the end of forever than do taxes.
Que buena perspectiva!! siempre brindas una mejor forma de ver y vivir la vida. Gracias, Mari!! I miss you
Such a wonderful way to put this feeling into words, Mari, thank you!! It took me a while to notice (or to understand the effect it was having on me), but I've spent the last couple years surrounded by people whose language I didn't speak (metaphorically, but also on top of the actual 'I live in a foreign country and after four years I can finally participate in most group conversations but please don't make me do it all the time' reality). I'm now about to move to a new city and start a new job (next week!), and I can't wait to curate my spaces more consciously and find people who speak the same languages, in all of the ways, and to pick up some new ones :)
This post really speaks to me 😉 thank you Mari. I know the languages I definitely don’t speak: not fluent in hipster cafes, beach and bikini Canggu party clubs, or collaborative work spaces (I need to be alone to be productive, go figure). But my native languages are definitely: book stores, charity shops, being the workplace go-to for all the tricky questions, and navigating public transport anywhere in the world. Thank you for helping me see that not fitting in is nothing to be ashamed of. 🙏
This made me laugh! Hope you feel better!
I absolutely loved the caption about spending your whole life on stage rather than doing one minute of taxes. I definitely speak that. And anything artsy and communicative and fun.
Getting ready to spend quite a bit of time in hospitals - which isn’t a language I love to speak but try. My baby will be born soon and the docs say baby will have some weeks in the nicu. Any tips as hospital seems to be a language you speak well?
Again, your posts always bring humanity and joy to others! Thanks Mari!
Mari. You are so good at putting feelings into words. Every word of this resonated for me.
And I think you'd be a FANTASTIC chaplain. As long as your job allows generous travel allowances.
I am still in a stage of life figuring out what languages I speak and don’t speak (or want to speak) and trying to embrace and be proud of that. Like I am recently encountering the “what do you do” and as someone who had quit my desk job to pursue my creativities and travels full time trying to imagine new ways of talking about the world, it has been so challenging connecting with people who probably expect a more straightforward answer (or they themselves have one?) it is a bit of an alienating experience still. still looking for the communities who speak the same language as me