As a Four myself, I remember reading the descriptors of this number and felt, in the words of my husband, "What sorcery is this?!" It felt, not only "too close to home", but like someone was reading from within my soul. It has helped me understand myself and detach from the idea I am "crazy", rather just concluding "I am an empath. I am sensitive. I truly do see both sides and I want to know the life story of that bee that is buzzing about that flower. Oh what you must have seen in your life, bee!"
Thank you so much for writing this. I've been thinking about dipping my toe in the enneagram world since I listened to Glennon Doyle's double podcast about it a couple of months ago. From that, I thought I was a nine but now after the glowing things you've said maybe not haha. I'm definitely going to check it out now. I seem to know my 2 best friends better than myself and I think they are a 6 and 7 and I love how you've described them here with compassion.
I've never taken an enneagram test and as I was reading I thought I was a four, with maybe a bit of six.... and then I got to nine and almost cried. Thank you, what a lovely lovely way to describe all these different kinds of people and the beautiful things we can learn from them! <3
I am a nine and this is so true “Imagine: If Nines ruled the world, we’d have a harmonious, healed planet filled with Zen gardens and Scandinavian-designed public structures dedicated to preserving art and popularizing poetry and providing space to think in solitude and among beauty.”
Thank You Mari, this was a beautiful read and a lovely introduction to all 9 types, I saw a little of me in more than a few and a lot of me in one of them. I can tell you gave this a lot of thought and it shines🤓
That means so much to me!!! It took me a VERY long time to write ;) and I can already think of so much more I want to say, but I'll acknowledge my One tendencies toward perfection and leave it as is. I so appreciate your kind words; it means a lot after days of writing!
I knew, I just knew you were a four! As much as I refuse to identify as any type, (in typical four fashion) I also am type 4:)
When you said, "If you ever want to experience the wonder of an earthworm or the beauty of a suburban parking lot or the divinity of a garbage can…hang out with a Four." This "divinity of a garbage can" line is NOT an exaggeration hahah. I just wrote the other day, about how I yearn for connection with the divine but can't always find it in the ways or places others seem to. I wrote about how I find God in the newspaper strip that I saw on the sidewalk, that was wet with rain on fifth avenue of my city. You have this gift Mari! Thank you for sharing it
Also, from a four who is currently trying to learn how in the heck to receive love without questioning it (haven't ever been there, sounds fun though) that last paragraph on the four section made me smile. Thank you for sharing these insights! I have a lot of conflicting feelings about about personality tests, but it was beautiful to read about what gifts you see in people. This was a fun one:)
I'm so with you! I used to have a policy (basically until today haha) that I would never tell anyone my "type" of any sort of test, because people who are really knowledgeable about that particular paradigm tend to attribute someone's entire personality, skill set, and commonalities to that type (basically exactly what I'm doing here ;)
I love that you find God in damp newspaper strips!!! A 4 after my own diary entries! :)
Eights are so important! Especially women Eights!! What would we do without your boldness and sense of self!? It's so beautiful. I'm so so happy you had the chance to learn all about your magical Eight-ness at your job! P.S. Your newsletter is GORGEOUS!
GET RIGHT OUT OF TOWN!! Of course I'm a 5 and a 5w4 no less!! I'm rolling all over the floor, not laughing per se, but in absolute glee that you gifted me Phantom. Huddled down in my isolated lair not having to deal with others and also avoid abandonment? CHECK. Surrounding myself with nothing but my artistic creations to entertain me? CHECK. Really only in need of a single loved one in my life? CHECK. Haunting people with my weirdness? CHECK. Hahaha!! All jokes aside, this entire write up is truly the real gift here, thank you! I want all my people to find out their Enneagram just so I can compare to yours. You friggin nailed it. And feels like just the most delightful piece to create. PLUS MUSICALS?! "Stars" sheesh Javert was such a 1!! Little Shop, Evita, and head nod to JC Superstar - so accurate 8, which I also have a heavy dose of in my wheel. That "holy place" piece in 9 just socked me. And you, Mari, my delightful beloved 4. Gems like this right here wouldn't exist without you!!
I held my breath while reading this comment because I was so worried I had projected all my pains from Type Five exes in the 5 description! 🤣 These phrases cracked me up: "Surrounding myself with nothing but my artistic creations to entertain me" and "Haunting people with my weirdness" LOLOL! We have to stan Erik Phantom for embracing his full Fiveness even though he is clearly a psycho!
When I was 11 I was obsessed with Les Mis (also had no friends: correlation or causation?) and my 7th grade teacher told me to watch/listen to it each time with focus on a different character. To nobody's surprise, I got sort of obsessed with Javert's tragic perspective and feel so much compassion for his intense Oneness!!
Apparently, healthy Fives look a lot like Eights, so you are nailing it. JC Superstar forever!
HAHA!! Clearly embracing full Fiveness is a recipe for disaster. OOF!! I definitely dated 5s and that proved to be a terrible experiment. The cis-male version is swoonworthy with their brilliant darkness, but red flag city, no bueno!! 😂 ALSO...when *I* was 11, I too was obsessed with Les Mis! Your teacher was so smart! It wasn't until I saw it in person with the classic bridge fall theatrics that I fell hard for Javert (like Erik Phantom, another misunderstood character!) With all these crushes on tragic male figures, it's a wonder I found a stable forever human 🤪
On my first date with my fiancé, the word that kept coming to mind in his presence was "NORMAL." So different for me! Exotic!! No underground lair to speak of! And yet, here we are!
As a 1, this quote hit hard, "As her education increases, so do her restrictions. And she will often question why anyone who knows as much as she does would still continue to eat meat, and I get her." I remember going vegan in high school, or rather returning to veganism, after watching Earthlings. I had everyone I know watch it (maybe forced..) and then was furious when they didn't want to be vegan also. "How can you know this and not DO something?" I appreciate our ability to really stand for what we believe in because we want the world to improve, but I have luckily relaxed A LOT over the 15+ years it's been since I was in high school. I understand all sides, and understand that for the most part, people all want the same core things, but we go about them differently. For example, most people like animals but maybe that care is expressed through pets or volunteering, not becoming a vigilante vegan.
I think my fear is sometimes that if I allow myself too much wiggle room, then everything will break down and not being perfect (gasp! shock!) is our greatest shadow as a 1. At our best, I've heard we take on characteristics of 7s, so it was nice when I really resonated with that description as well.
I'm often friends with 4s and 9s and often date 5s. It's funny how we'll have little packs that pop into our lives more than others. I've adored you and your work for years now, and I so appreciate your 4-ness of sharing your unique qualities and soulful thoughts. I've heard 4s often feel so different from everyone else, on the darker side, even outcasts, but I think your writing is proof positive that sharing your inner wisdom allows us all to realize we're not that different after all.
I'm dying to know your thoughts on the Myers-Briggs now, haha.
Oh Sarah!! I can soooo relate; I actually thought I was a One for the longest time, probably because: 1) Growing up in the Church encouraged me to see right/wrong very clearly and as complete opposites, 2) I loved politics and had such a hard time understanding why people weren't as fired up as me about all my anti-Bush issues hehe, 3) I have OCD which makes it hard sometimes to see outside my own head and understand why people might have a different perspective on an obsession of mine!
But I really really relate to everything you said. I actually had a bit of a crisis a couple yeas ago when I thought I too was giving myself too much wiggle room, and actually missed my self-strictness that gave me such otherworldly discipline and such a clean set of values!
I'm INFP but I have never found that to be useful information! :)))
I love this so much. As a hardcore seven married to a nine (with people I love populating the other numbers!) I love how you see us all. 💙 Also the song you picked for sevens? Heck yes. Don’t rain on MY parade!
Eights need more love!! I have a couple best friends who are 8s and although they scared me at first (hahha) they have become the most tender, sensitive, empathetic, loving companions in my life. I have so much respect for their confidence!
Ohhh you sound so interesting!!! The way that I ultimately figured out my type was to really pay attention to each motivation and fear in the descriptions on the Enneagram Institute website:
We have ALL the types inside of us, but there is usually one dominant motivation or fear that drives you. If not, then you're type-less and above us all! :)
I am a Four. I almost didn't have to read it to know that you were one, too.
As a Four myself, I remember reading the descriptors of this number and felt, in the words of my husband, "What sorcery is this?!" It felt, not only "too close to home", but like someone was reading from within my soul. It has helped me understand myself and detach from the idea I am "crazy", rather just concluding "I am an empath. I am sensitive. I truly do see both sides and I want to know the life story of that bee that is buzzing about that flower. Oh what you must have seen in your life, bee!"
Thank you so much for writing this. I've been thinking about dipping my toe in the enneagram world since I listened to Glennon Doyle's double podcast about it a couple of months ago. From that, I thought I was a nine but now after the glowing things you've said maybe not haha. I'm definitely going to check it out now. I seem to know my 2 best friends better than myself and I think they are a 6 and 7 and I love how you've described them here with compassion.
I've never taken an enneagram test and as I was reading I thought I was a four, with maybe a bit of six.... and then I got to nine and almost cried. Thank you, what a lovely lovely way to describe all these different kinds of people and the beautiful things we can learn from them! <3
I am a nine and this is so true “Imagine: If Nines ruled the world, we’d have a harmonious, healed planet filled with Zen gardens and Scandinavian-designed public structures dedicated to preserving art and popularizing poetry and providing space to think in solitude and among beauty.”
Thank You Mari, this was a beautiful read and a lovely introduction to all 9 types, I saw a little of me in more than a few and a lot of me in one of them. I can tell you gave this a lot of thought and it shines🤓
That means so much to me!!! It took me a VERY long time to write ;) and I can already think of so much more I want to say, but I'll acknowledge my One tendencies toward perfection and leave it as is. I so appreciate your kind words; it means a lot after days of writing!
I’m a six aren’t I?
Hegel? ✅
Tax forms? ...
Bahahhaa OKAY SAME. I would rather speak to a crowd of ten million people than to make an appointment with my accountant.
I knew, I just knew you were a four! As much as I refuse to identify as any type, (in typical four fashion) I also am type 4:)
When you said, "If you ever want to experience the wonder of an earthworm or the beauty of a suburban parking lot or the divinity of a garbage can…hang out with a Four." This "divinity of a garbage can" line is NOT an exaggeration hahah. I just wrote the other day, about how I yearn for connection with the divine but can't always find it in the ways or places others seem to. I wrote about how I find God in the newspaper strip that I saw on the sidewalk, that was wet with rain on fifth avenue of my city. You have this gift Mari! Thank you for sharing it
Also, from a four who is currently trying to learn how in the heck to receive love without questioning it (haven't ever been there, sounds fun though) that last paragraph on the four section made me smile. Thank you for sharing these insights! I have a lot of conflicting feelings about about personality tests, but it was beautiful to read about what gifts you see in people. This was a fun one:)
I'm so with you! I used to have a policy (basically until today haha) that I would never tell anyone my "type" of any sort of test, because people who are really knowledgeable about that particular paradigm tend to attribute someone's entire personality, skill set, and commonalities to that type (basically exactly what I'm doing here ;)
I love that you find God in damp newspaper strips!!! A 4 after my own diary entries! :)
My current job got me to take it, and it is truly the favourite personality test I have taken; I learned so much about my self.
I also loved how you described and summarized my personality type (8). I sobbed a little. 🥹💚
Eights are so important! Especially women Eights!! What would we do without your boldness and sense of self!? It's so beautiful. I'm so so happy you had the chance to learn all about your magical Eight-ness at your job! P.S. Your newsletter is GORGEOUS!
Just when I thought I was done blushing ☺️
Thank you for your feedback; you are so sweet omG. 🥹💚
GET RIGHT OUT OF TOWN!! Of course I'm a 5 and a 5w4 no less!! I'm rolling all over the floor, not laughing per se, but in absolute glee that you gifted me Phantom. Huddled down in my isolated lair not having to deal with others and also avoid abandonment? CHECK. Surrounding myself with nothing but my artistic creations to entertain me? CHECK. Really only in need of a single loved one in my life? CHECK. Haunting people with my weirdness? CHECK. Hahaha!! All jokes aside, this entire write up is truly the real gift here, thank you! I want all my people to find out their Enneagram just so I can compare to yours. You friggin nailed it. And feels like just the most delightful piece to create. PLUS MUSICALS?! "Stars" sheesh Javert was such a 1!! Little Shop, Evita, and head nod to JC Superstar - so accurate 8, which I also have a heavy dose of in my wheel. That "holy place" piece in 9 just socked me. And you, Mari, my delightful beloved 4. Gems like this right here wouldn't exist without you!!
I held my breath while reading this comment because I was so worried I had projected all my pains from Type Five exes in the 5 description! 🤣 These phrases cracked me up: "Surrounding myself with nothing but my artistic creations to entertain me" and "Haunting people with my weirdness" LOLOL! We have to stan Erik Phantom for embracing his full Fiveness even though he is clearly a psycho!
When I was 11 I was obsessed with Les Mis (also had no friends: correlation or causation?) and my 7th grade teacher told me to watch/listen to it each time with focus on a different character. To nobody's surprise, I got sort of obsessed with Javert's tragic perspective and feel so much compassion for his intense Oneness!!
Apparently, healthy Fives look a lot like Eights, so you are nailing it. JC Superstar forever!
HAHA!! Clearly embracing full Fiveness is a recipe for disaster. OOF!! I definitely dated 5s and that proved to be a terrible experiment. The cis-male version is swoonworthy with their brilliant darkness, but red flag city, no bueno!! 😂 ALSO...when *I* was 11, I too was obsessed with Les Mis! Your teacher was so smart! It wasn't until I saw it in person with the classic bridge fall theatrics that I fell hard for Javert (like Erik Phantom, another misunderstood character!) With all these crushes on tragic male figures, it's a wonder I found a stable forever human 🤪
On my first date with my fiancé, the word that kept coming to mind in his presence was "NORMAL." So different for me! Exotic!! No underground lair to speak of! And yet, here we are!
Exotic 😂😂 My heart!!!! Ugh I’m so proud of us 😭😭
5 here 👋🏼 I really enjoyed reading your perspective! Thanks so much for sharing!
Oh good! Women Fives are so special; I haven't known many but I'd like to change that!! Thank you so much for reading! :)
As a 1, this quote hit hard, "As her education increases, so do her restrictions. And she will often question why anyone who knows as much as she does would still continue to eat meat, and I get her." I remember going vegan in high school, or rather returning to veganism, after watching Earthlings. I had everyone I know watch it (maybe forced..) and then was furious when they didn't want to be vegan also. "How can you know this and not DO something?" I appreciate our ability to really stand for what we believe in because we want the world to improve, but I have luckily relaxed A LOT over the 15+ years it's been since I was in high school. I understand all sides, and understand that for the most part, people all want the same core things, but we go about them differently. For example, most people like animals but maybe that care is expressed through pets or volunteering, not becoming a vigilante vegan.
I think my fear is sometimes that if I allow myself too much wiggle room, then everything will break down and not being perfect (gasp! shock!) is our greatest shadow as a 1. At our best, I've heard we take on characteristics of 7s, so it was nice when I really resonated with that description as well.
I'm often friends with 4s and 9s and often date 5s. It's funny how we'll have little packs that pop into our lives more than others. I've adored you and your work for years now, and I so appreciate your 4-ness of sharing your unique qualities and soulful thoughts. I've heard 4s often feel so different from everyone else, on the darker side, even outcasts, but I think your writing is proof positive that sharing your inner wisdom allows us all to realize we're not that different after all.
I'm dying to know your thoughts on the Myers-Briggs now, haha.
Oh Sarah!! I can soooo relate; I actually thought I was a One for the longest time, probably because: 1) Growing up in the Church encouraged me to see right/wrong very clearly and as complete opposites, 2) I loved politics and had such a hard time understanding why people weren't as fired up as me about all my anti-Bush issues hehe, 3) I have OCD which makes it hard sometimes to see outside my own head and understand why people might have a different perspective on an obsession of mine!
But I really really relate to everything you said. I actually had a bit of a crisis a couple yeas ago when I thought I too was giving myself too much wiggle room, and actually missed my self-strictness that gave me such otherworldly discipline and such a clean set of values!
I'm INFP but I have never found that to be useful information! :)))
This is such an insightful, affirming, and generous essay... especially for us Nines. Thank you for writing and sharing it.
That makes me so happy! Thank you so so much!!! I listened to a podcast a while back about the Nines and by the end of it I was crying my eyes out:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/0hiV4YX59VH2Q4BJocjWCi?si=b8141328b6974698
It was important for me to affirm how powerful and wonderful the Nines are, because I have a feeling that they don't fully realize it!
I look forward to listening to it... thank you!
I love this so much. As a hardcore seven married to a nine (with people I love populating the other numbers!) I love how you see us all. 💙 Also the song you picked for sevens? Heck yes. Don’t rain on MY parade!
Ohhhh a Seven and Nine, what an amazing pairing!!! You guys must be awesome dinner party hosts :)
This was the nicest write up of an 8 I’ve ever read. Thank you. And the song choices are 😘
Eights need more love!! I have a couple best friends who are 8s and although they scared me at first (hahha) they have become the most tender, sensitive, empathetic, loving companions in my life. I have so much respect for their confidence!
I'm evenly spread across a Three, Nine, Five, and Seven—I don't know what to make of that!
Ohhh you sound so interesting!!! The way that I ultimately figured out my type was to really pay attention to each motivation and fear in the descriptions on the Enneagram Institute website:
https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/rheti?gclid=Cj0KCQjw9MCnBhCYARIsAB1WQVWU1hnSVy1mz-BcF2NYOzuT4hMnGAF5bo-dKEygob40TgRewc0EStcaAgtcEALw_wcB
We have ALL the types inside of us, but there is usually one dominant motivation or fear that drives you. If not, then you're type-less and above us all! :)