Mari- I felt like this when I went to London back in 2011. I mean the city was amazing in its own right, but some things I experienced were a bit disappointing while others left me in complete awe. Strangely, though I never really vibed with the city or was enchanted with it like I thought I would be. Now, when I went to Ireland in 2013, that journey touched my soul! I cried when I landed at the Shannon Airport and cried again when I left two weeks later.
OMG Rachel! We are kindred spirits--I feel that way about London too, although it felt far too controversial to mention in this post for some reason! It lacked enchantment for me too, as though the whole city was just a tad lukewarm? Or something? Anyway, I also had such a profound experience in Ireland (on a weekend away from studying in Italy, which I also didn't vibe with!!!) and I felt instant and glorious and magical belonging (but still removed in the best possible way, like I was blessed just to get to visit such a place). Interesting!!!!
"Every trait (of a human or culture) has a desirable side and an unappealing side."
I think about this ALL the time! My social psychology professor was the first to help me think this way when he proclaimed that narcissism is 'just a trait' and my knee jerk reaction was like noooooooooo. But then it really came to life for me when my mom had a brain tumor that needed to be removed. In that situation, you actually DO want a megalomaniacal freak who is disconnected to all emotion with an unreasonable amount of confidence to be like, "I'm going to saw through this skull and save someone's life." No room for timid empaths here! Now, would I want to have a narcissist for a parent or president? No to both. But the trait itself is just a trait.
SO TRUE!!! I have an extensive set of wishes for surgeries and end-of-life and all that stuff and one of my requests is to have a surgeon with sociopathic rather than empathetic tendencies (save that for the nurses!) for that EXACT reason hahah!!!
I LOVED that boiling water analogy, Mari! Thank you for sharing that. I moved from Amsterdam to Milan exactly a year ago and I have been struggling. Italy is a hard place to live, at least for me. I was shocked because I slid rather effortlessly into my expat life in the Netherlands. When people asked if I'd rather be back in Amsterdam, I wouldnt hesitate to say yes. Yet, slowly, slowly that pot o' love is coming to a simmer. I spent the last year like a jilted lover on my knees begging for Milano to just please love me back. And now? I think you'd have to drag me kicking and screaming out of the country. My sense of place here in Italy feels earned, rather than innate. It was and is painful, but I'm more excited about what's ahead.
Madrid is an amazing city and I'm so glad you had such a good trip!
As before, I couldn't love this comment more!!! I've been through a lot of crap in my life, but I think of my semester abroad in Florence as the crappiest. While I had a roaring boil relationship with it the first day, it went QUICKLY cold from there. It didn't help that people couldn't fathom how I could possibly be unhappy in Italy--and I couldn't either! Of course, I was a very young penniless awkward idiot, which in hindsight was definitely a factor, but I thought something must be wrong with me. I went back to Italy for the first time last year to Milan--a city that so many people hate on!!!--and knew right away, "Oh yeah, this is a city that you GROW to like" (just like Santiago). I knew it immediately; there were so many objectively ugly boulevards, but so many gorgeous marble lobbies and darling windows and side streets that should have been so unappealing but I found so charming. I can absolutely understand your simmer toward the city, and soooo happy Milano is loving you too!
"My sense of place here in Italy feels earned, rather than innate." WOW. As a fellow expat who moved from one country (UK) to another (Germany), I feel this so strongly. My first experience in the UK was wildly wonderful, the love was immediate. My love for Germany has been more gradual, and more difficult. I'm going to start thinking about that now... that my sense of place in Germany is earned. Thank you for this insight :)
<3 Thanks Paige. Being an expat sometimes feels exhilarating, exhausting, sad, confusing, and joy-filled all at the same moment. I appreciate when someone can relate :)
I loved reading this post and now you have me pondering on the places I’ve visited and why I’ve loved or not loved them (I always thought I’d love New York - fast, big, city - but I did not love it as much as others like Edinburgh, Dublin, not London either). Maybe I like a not so big city precisely because I live in Johannesburg, a big bustling city of 6.3m people?
Your text makes me want to discover Madrid! I suggest you two very « underrated » (if I may say so) cities : Lyon (where I live) and Munich (which I love as much as you love Madrid)
Can't even begin to explain how on time and on point this was. I visited Berlin for the first time 6 years ago, a week long holiday with a friend of mine. I had no expectations for it but I clicked with the city immediately. The pull was unreal – a city-wide glue trap as you said, exactly. When I left, I knew something was off and in a way I still can't understand, I was there back a week later with keys to a flat in my had and no idea what I'd be doing there but just knew, it was good to be back. Spent four or five months there but then had to leave... and so six years passed, and went back there for the first time just two weeks ago to rediscover what my relationship with the city was, and I was so happy to learn that despite the years the city and I, we still clicked. On the day before leaving again, I got this in my email, and to this moment I still can't figure out how it is you always hit the nail on the head with such precision but I'm grateful you do and that you share it with all of us.
I love underdog cities as well! Manchester, England is one of my favorite places in the world. I spent six months living there this past year, and the love felt immediate and all-consuming. Yet people were the reason I fell so in love with it, and slowly building up a list of "regulars" that I frequented and loved (I still dream about their Central Library Reading Room!).
Another city that clicked right away was Prague in the Czech Republic. I felt I could stroll those streets for years and still never tire of the red tiled roofs, ornate buildings, or warm antique street lamps shining off wet cobblestone streets. I never gave this topic too much thought -- why one places speaks to us so much stronger/faster than others -- but it is fascinating.
I love the idea of love being a cold pot of water you put on a stove. That's what my new city is to me now. It's been six months (the same amount of time in Manchester) and so I wonder why I'm not deeply in love yet. But each day, the pot grows warmer. I find my parks, my holes-in-the-walls, my people. I have faith that the pot will come to a boil one day.
Paige, this makes me so so happy!!! When I hit 'publish' on this post, I thought, "What the heck am I even saying and will anyone get it??" Thank you for getting it <3
I have been to Manchester and can totally see the roster of Mancunians being the reason to stay!! As someone who appreciates the humans of the city as much as/more than the city itself, I have no doubt the pot will get warmer and warmer for you!
This resonated with me deeply .. I believe that these restrictions and feelings are just fabrications of our mind, which we think would never change, and we surprise ourselves everytime.
I love seeing the world through your eyes! I haven’t been to Madrid and I don’t know if it would be one of my places or not, but you make me want to visit. The joy you radiate in these photos is so beautiful to see! I was thinking about if I have felt that feeling of somewhere being my place and I remembered that I felt that way the first time I visited Oregon—and now I have lived here for over 18 years and still love it. It is definitely my place.
This means so much to me, Kathy!!! Thank you so much for allowing me to serve you a slice of my joy! :) I can absolutely see why Oregon is your place. The whole west coast is completely captivating to me! I love that you've loved it for so long--that is truly a geographical soulmate!!!
OK I’m back from that Anne Frank reincarnation trip. Seriously. Whoa. Meanwhile, not too long ago I tried googling why places have distinguishable “feels” but didn’t get very far. This is actually the closest I’ve encountered to someone else experiencing this phenomenon. It’s a sixth sense, I suppose, because it’s not exclusively sight, sound, or smell (tho I’m sure those play a role as I doubt I’d feel it if I were wheeled through town inside a sensory deprivation tank). It just feels like a vibe that a place emits—something I feel on a deep cellular level and continue to feel upon my return. And I bet that’s why some places resonate while others don’t!
Thank you so much for going on the reincarnation trip with me <3 If you'd never like to accomplish anything again, I highly recommend "The Ghost Inside My Child" on YouTube. What's interesting is how much the kids usually have in common with each other: super sensitive loners with sophisticated emotional intelligence but basically zero social skills--what my 76-year-old therapist says used to be called "Indigo Children." And I am CERTAIN that they all feel those 'vibes' too, and you're so right; those places really stick around you! My friend asked me if Madrid was "restorative" and I thought, no, quite the opposite: It was so stimulating and jerked me awake!! Not what I expected but exactly what I needed!
i always love reading your newsletters and visualizing your stories as you share your journey with all of us💜as i get older—- i’m 68‼️‼️i more and more don’t want to travel somewhere else, i just want to enjoy being home, enjoying the 305— the ocean, the palm trees, the flat roads ( i have alot of anxiety driving in the mountains )
the vibrant literary community— lots of things for which i am grateful.thanks for always putting a smile on my face
You are so blessed!! I love hearing that! I've had seasons of life where all I wanted was to be home, and I was so grateful to be "cured" of my insatiable wanderlust. Loving your home is the greatest gift. I am so lucky to love mine too! (and lucky to have a mom who will go on these spontaneous travels with me!!)
This was such a lovely read. It made my day .
♥️
Love this! Ten years ago I lived in Madrid for 6 months to learn Spanish - best time of my life!
It‘s such a special place ❤️
Fully agree. Madrid is incredible. Well written.
Mari- I felt like this when I went to London back in 2011. I mean the city was amazing in its own right, but some things I experienced were a bit disappointing while others left me in complete awe. Strangely, though I never really vibed with the city or was enchanted with it like I thought I would be. Now, when I went to Ireland in 2013, that journey touched my soul! I cried when I landed at the Shannon Airport and cried again when I left two weeks later.
OMG Rachel! We are kindred spirits--I feel that way about London too, although it felt far too controversial to mention in this post for some reason! It lacked enchantment for me too, as though the whole city was just a tad lukewarm? Or something? Anyway, I also had such a profound experience in Ireland (on a weekend away from studying in Italy, which I also didn't vibe with!!!) and I felt instant and glorious and magical belonging (but still removed in the best possible way, like I was blessed just to get to visit such a place). Interesting!!!!
"Every trait (of a human or culture) has a desirable side and an unappealing side."
I think about this ALL the time! My social psychology professor was the first to help me think this way when he proclaimed that narcissism is 'just a trait' and my knee jerk reaction was like noooooooooo. But then it really came to life for me when my mom had a brain tumor that needed to be removed. In that situation, you actually DO want a megalomaniacal freak who is disconnected to all emotion with an unreasonable amount of confidence to be like, "I'm going to saw through this skull and save someone's life." No room for timid empaths here! Now, would I want to have a narcissist for a parent or president? No to both. But the trait itself is just a trait.
SO TRUE!!! I have an extensive set of wishes for surgeries and end-of-life and all that stuff and one of my requests is to have a surgeon with sociopathic rather than empathetic tendencies (save that for the nurses!) for that EXACT reason hahah!!!
And this piece exemplifies why "I like what I like" in you, your writing, your way of seeing and metaphor-ing, gives me joy.
Crying forever!!!! Thank you angel <3
I LOVED that boiling water analogy, Mari! Thank you for sharing that. I moved from Amsterdam to Milan exactly a year ago and I have been struggling. Italy is a hard place to live, at least for me. I was shocked because I slid rather effortlessly into my expat life in the Netherlands. When people asked if I'd rather be back in Amsterdam, I wouldnt hesitate to say yes. Yet, slowly, slowly that pot o' love is coming to a simmer. I spent the last year like a jilted lover on my knees begging for Milano to just please love me back. And now? I think you'd have to drag me kicking and screaming out of the country. My sense of place here in Italy feels earned, rather than innate. It was and is painful, but I'm more excited about what's ahead.
Madrid is an amazing city and I'm so glad you had such a good trip!
As before, I couldn't love this comment more!!! I've been through a lot of crap in my life, but I think of my semester abroad in Florence as the crappiest. While I had a roaring boil relationship with it the first day, it went QUICKLY cold from there. It didn't help that people couldn't fathom how I could possibly be unhappy in Italy--and I couldn't either! Of course, I was a very young penniless awkward idiot, which in hindsight was definitely a factor, but I thought something must be wrong with me. I went back to Italy for the first time last year to Milan--a city that so many people hate on!!!--and knew right away, "Oh yeah, this is a city that you GROW to like" (just like Santiago). I knew it immediately; there were so many objectively ugly boulevards, but so many gorgeous marble lobbies and darling windows and side streets that should have been so unappealing but I found so charming. I can absolutely understand your simmer toward the city, and soooo happy Milano is loving you too!
"My sense of place here in Italy feels earned, rather than innate." WOW. As a fellow expat who moved from one country (UK) to another (Germany), I feel this so strongly. My first experience in the UK was wildly wonderful, the love was immediate. My love for Germany has been more gradual, and more difficult. I'm going to start thinking about that now... that my sense of place in Germany is earned. Thank you for this insight :)
<3 Thanks Paige. Being an expat sometimes feels exhilarating, exhausting, sad, confusing, and joy-filled all at the same moment. I appreciate when someone can relate :)
I loved reading this post and now you have me pondering on the places I’ve visited and why I’ve loved or not loved them (I always thought I’d love New York - fast, big, city - but I did not love it as much as others like Edinburgh, Dublin, not London either). Maybe I like a not so big city precisely because I live in Johannesburg, a big bustling city of 6.3m people?
Your text makes me want to discover Madrid! I suggest you two very « underrated » (if I may say so) cities : Lyon (where I live) and Munich (which I love as much as you love Madrid)
Can't even begin to explain how on time and on point this was. I visited Berlin for the first time 6 years ago, a week long holiday with a friend of mine. I had no expectations for it but I clicked with the city immediately. The pull was unreal – a city-wide glue trap as you said, exactly. When I left, I knew something was off and in a way I still can't understand, I was there back a week later with keys to a flat in my had and no idea what I'd be doing there but just knew, it was good to be back. Spent four or five months there but then had to leave... and so six years passed, and went back there for the first time just two weeks ago to rediscover what my relationship with the city was, and I was so happy to learn that despite the years the city and I, we still clicked. On the day before leaving again, I got this in my email, and to this moment I still can't figure out how it is you always hit the nail on the head with such precision but I'm grateful you do and that you share it with all of us.
Whoa! I cannot tell you how much I LOVE that! Ugh geez, to be connected with someone like you, clearly a kindred spirit, is such a dream <3
I love underdog cities as well! Manchester, England is one of my favorite places in the world. I spent six months living there this past year, and the love felt immediate and all-consuming. Yet people were the reason I fell so in love with it, and slowly building up a list of "regulars" that I frequented and loved (I still dream about their Central Library Reading Room!).
Another city that clicked right away was Prague in the Czech Republic. I felt I could stroll those streets for years and still never tire of the red tiled roofs, ornate buildings, or warm antique street lamps shining off wet cobblestone streets. I never gave this topic too much thought -- why one places speaks to us so much stronger/faster than others -- but it is fascinating.
I love the idea of love being a cold pot of water you put on a stove. That's what my new city is to me now. It's been six months (the same amount of time in Manchester) and so I wonder why I'm not deeply in love yet. But each day, the pot grows warmer. I find my parks, my holes-in-the-walls, my people. I have faith that the pot will come to a boil one day.
Thank you for your words! <3
Paige, this makes me so so happy!!! When I hit 'publish' on this post, I thought, "What the heck am I even saying and will anyone get it??" Thank you for getting it <3
I have been to Manchester and can totally see the roster of Mancunians being the reason to stay!! As someone who appreciates the humans of the city as much as/more than the city itself, I have no doubt the pot will get warmer and warmer for you!
Oh I hope you never doubt yourself before hitting publish, because your posts ALWAYS resonate for me! <3
CRYING, THANK YOU!!!
This resonated with me deeply .. I believe that these restrictions and feelings are just fabrications of our mind, which we think would never change, and we surprise ourselves everytime.
Oh yes, the self-surprise is such a joy!!! I thought it was over when I was in my 20s but it just keeps getting more interesting :)
I love seeing the world through your eyes! I haven’t been to Madrid and I don’t know if it would be one of my places or not, but you make me want to visit. The joy you radiate in these photos is so beautiful to see! I was thinking about if I have felt that feeling of somewhere being my place and I remembered that I felt that way the first time I visited Oregon—and now I have lived here for over 18 years and still love it. It is definitely my place.
This means so much to me, Kathy!!! Thank you so much for allowing me to serve you a slice of my joy! :) I can absolutely see why Oregon is your place. The whole west coast is completely captivating to me! I love that you've loved it for so long--that is truly a geographical soulmate!!!
OK I’m back from that Anne Frank reincarnation trip. Seriously. Whoa. Meanwhile, not too long ago I tried googling why places have distinguishable “feels” but didn’t get very far. This is actually the closest I’ve encountered to someone else experiencing this phenomenon. It’s a sixth sense, I suppose, because it’s not exclusively sight, sound, or smell (tho I’m sure those play a role as I doubt I’d feel it if I were wheeled through town inside a sensory deprivation tank). It just feels like a vibe that a place emits—something I feel on a deep cellular level and continue to feel upon my return. And I bet that’s why some places resonate while others don’t!
Thank you so much for going on the reincarnation trip with me <3 If you'd never like to accomplish anything again, I highly recommend "The Ghost Inside My Child" on YouTube. What's interesting is how much the kids usually have in common with each other: super sensitive loners with sophisticated emotional intelligence but basically zero social skills--what my 76-year-old therapist says used to be called "Indigo Children." And I am CERTAIN that they all feel those 'vibes' too, and you're so right; those places really stick around you! My friend asked me if Madrid was "restorative" and I thought, no, quite the opposite: It was so stimulating and jerked me awake!! Not what I expected but exactly what I needed!
i always love reading your newsletters and visualizing your stories as you share your journey with all of us💜as i get older—- i’m 68‼️‼️i more and more don’t want to travel somewhere else, i just want to enjoy being home, enjoying the 305— the ocean, the palm trees, the flat roads ( i have alot of anxiety driving in the mountains )
the vibrant literary community— lots of things for which i am grateful.thanks for always putting a smile on my face
You are so blessed!! I love hearing that! I've had seasons of life where all I wanted was to be home, and I was so grateful to be "cured" of my insatiable wanderlust. Loving your home is the greatest gift. I am so lucky to love mine too! (and lucky to have a mom who will go on these spontaneous travels with me!!)
Wonderful! My daughter is spending her first year of college in Madrid (I know!) and is loving it.
What a brave girl you raised!!! I'm so happy she's loving it! What an adventure, and what a warm, safe, friendly place for her to be!